Sara516

Do you believe its a serious problem?

I'll try to be as clear as possible, since i'm writing this in a rush....

For many, it's still not accepted as a "real" form of rape, not like "real" rape (whatever "real") means because of the belief that spouses have conjugal rights over each other and thus is less traumatic than if, say, a stranger were to assault you.

Although there are laws to prosecute marital/spousal rape, and many educators consider it part of an abusive relationship, I get the feeling the general public doesn't take it as seriously....

On a personal level I know every married woman can relate when I say, sometimes its more of an obligation than anything else, but is "rape" too harsh of a word to describe it?

Agree/disagree, your thoughts, opinions? and as always....everyone is welcome to reply.

Monk

Silaaj

There really is a grey area in this issue which needs to be considered as well. Yes, there are cases where some husbands are guilty of going beyond their rights, and using their relationship as a leverage to just have their way with their wives.
However, in our society, there still are many women who look at physical interaction as something yucky, and believe it is solely meant for reproduction. For such a woman, a normal sex life would mean doing it 'x' number of times in your life (x being the number of kids you have, or want to have).
So for a woman who thinks of sex solely as a form of procreation, she will stiffen up at the thought of doing it beyond that. And that, for her, would fall into the realm of marital rape as well, which of course, is unrealistic.

I just feel its difficult to define marital rape, and 'prove' it, since its virtually impossible to determine the circumstances.

SID_NY

That reminds of a divorce case I heard few years back for the same reason.

And another one that happened here in california, same thing, but that happened when husband used to drink too much and kinda "victimize" his wife..

Sad part in both above cases, they were pakistanis.... :|

Mamaof3

The law (in USA anyway) is clear on this issue. "no means NO." end of story. If a wife tells a husband "NO" and he goes ahead anyway, then the husband is guilty of rape. JUST as guilty as the guy who rapes a stranger.

aramis

but she is not supposed to say NO if it wil make the husband angry.

maroush

^ A woman is not supposed to say no?

He can buy himself a blow-up doll then, if that's how he is going to treat her.

Mamaof3

Thats a different situation, its called "battered wife syndrome" and this is a prosecutable offense also but there are some differences.

Marital rape is when a wife says no and the husband goes ahead anyway.

Battered wife syndrome is when a wife is too fearful to say no and so complies with this and any other demand that the husband makes.

Each is a crime and each has the potential for a pretty long stretch in jail and then a lifetime of accountability and reporting actions, comings and goings etc (parole and potentially sex offenders list).

Shak09

Rape is having sex forcefully with someone, whether its with a wife or not; having sex wihtout her consent is STILL rape.

Janat ki Talash

but without any reasons continusly saying "NO, No" to husband (just to show anger or some attitude) is also not good. Even our religion also not gives permition for this.

yes but i am agree with u guys also that having sex forcefully with someone or even with wife is marital rape.

Decent 6Chora

^ Whatever is the reason for NO. NO is NO. anything else is Rape

Monk

funguy

There are "other" ways to bring a raging bull down. Smart wives know their way around.

haania06

When I was studying Forensic medicine in med school I came to know its a crime in pakistan too, esp if the wife is young , but not much ppl know also its kind of our society thing that a woman cant say no, also som ppl say in Islam wives cant say no to thier husbands but I am not sure how true this thing is.

mAd_ScIeNtIsT

Both the husband and wife have a right to sexual intercourse in Islam; for either to decline the other without valid reason is a sin (or so I have read).

canadiandesigirl

Yes, I think the distinction between valid reason and a plain no is important. From my understanding the wife cannot refuse her husband without a legitimate but if she has a valid reason such as illness, being tired and physically not able etc than the husband has to respect that and not force her. Think of it this way Islam is not a harsh religion why would a husband be allowed to force something upon his wife. It doesn't sound logical.

As far as the original question, Yes i think it probably happens and i'm sure sometimes the women herself may not realize it happened. I think in the desi community older generation might not even understand the concept of marital rape. Anyways I think husband and wife should respect each others needs and wants and compromise when needed.

Bint_e_Naeem

This is one tough question Sara. Women feeling obliged to do something & not saying anything to their husbands & letting them do it I guess wouldn't be rape. Guy doesn't know you don't want it, so maybe he is not on fault.

Yeah the wife says no & husband forces it then.. That's a tough one. Can a husband really rape his wife.... I mean wouldn't there be some other term for that.

I think at least in our culture it has something to do with sex talk being taboo as well & how the woman is supposed to be all shareef & not know anything & then the husbands are supposed to what "teach" them.

I have come across couples where husband wants more than the regular stuff (things that are even okay in Islam) & wife thinks her doing certain things would be sluttish. Friction right there.

Seef

Spousal rape is a huge problem in todays society. It does exist because of husbands who cannot keep it in the pants and use it ONLY for their selfish motives. Fortunately I don't have to deal with these situations since my wife always consents and fulfill my carnal desires. Sometimes there is some role playing that involves rape scenarios but I don't think that counts right?

Gaia

Sara516

TBH I'd say that's the bigger problem in our community, women who can be too cold and frigid and scared of what their husbands will think if they are too sexually forward or willing.


....I'm pleasantly surprised and glad at the level of maturity shown in this thread....please dont ruin it with this post....thanks.