when potential rishta's come to visit

alvena · Nov 21st, 2009, 01:35 AM

Hello

ok so in a week a family is coming to 'see' me and i am actually losing sleep over it.

Im really nervous and dont know what to do what to expect or how to act.

before my parents have always invited potentials to family parties but this family is coming just by themselves.....

I really want to talk to the guy before he comes but i have a feeling if i ask it will be scandalous.

So...what should i expect?

libranrulz · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:14 AM

Just expect it to be like an interview ... but just a lil more extensive where u'll be judged by a panel of aunty jis for everything ...

meemz · Nov 21st, 2009, 05:54 AM

Just relax and try not to think about it much, I have been in that situation. Its best to just be yourself.

neha55511 · Nov 21st, 2009, 08:10 AM

dont worry Alvena...it happens with ever girl in our society though i personally dun like this 'rishta seeing' culture ...i feel itz embarrasing for a girl ...anyways dun be nervous just feel as if they are some normal guests coming to ur home and u have to tawk to them v normally...just ignore if auntyz start staring at u from head to toe...
and yes dun sit with them for mor than 10-15 min..just go to ur drawing room,sit ther for ten-15 min,tawk to thm and come back to ur own room...the more u spend time with them,the more u wud have to face skeptical faces....gud luck dear

MIAinVA · Nov 21st, 2009, 08:15 AM

Its totally natural to be nervous... just be confident and be yourself in front of them.

Leave quickly if you feel uncomfortable but if you feel comfortable, do ask them questions too and talk normally, as if you're talking to a normal acquaintance. Have fun

RupayHalwa · Nov 21st, 2009, 08:19 AM

I don't think they will be asking you in depth interview type questions on their first visit. First visit is all about first impressions, so just try to be yourself, gracefully say salaam, sit for a little while and then leave the room. You can pop back in from time to time to bring in the chai and samosa's, but be careful not to trip

Milly · Nov 21st, 2009, 09:10 AM

For the first tea trolly meeting you are basically on show. Like a little doll in a shop window. You be yourself, but the shop window you. Like all sharmili and polite and smiley. I have never understood what people come to look for, so no matter what you do, you wont know what it is they want to see.

Dont giggle at the guy if he eats 5 samosay and then spills the chutney on the floor and dont act horrified if the potential MIL claims all black people are thiefs and defo do NOT chortle when potential FIL gets out his mobile phone and doesnt know which button he needs to press to answer it.

Other than that...its all good experience. Character building so to speak.

Good Luck!!!

RupayHalwa · Nov 21st, 2009, 09:31 AM

^LOLLLL

Magic 8 Ball · Nov 21st, 2009, 09:47 AM

For the time being, just think of them as regular guests coming to visit. Nothing more nothing less. (I know that's easier said than done, but try putting yourself in that frame of mind). There's absolutely no guarantee that you will like the guy or his family. There's no guarantee that they will like you. Their visit doesn't necessarily mean that a wedding will take place for you. You might reject him, he could reject you, your families could reject one another. Dress nicely as you would when you know you're having company over. And be polite and friendly as you would when any guest would come over. No need to go out of your way to connect with them. Say the salam, ask how they're doing, answer any questions they might have. Serve them the food. And don't hang around all the time. By all means, take a break and go to the kitchen if you start feeling uneasy. During these rishta visits, people don't get to know each other that well. So, don't take a rejection from a stranger personally. It's not a reflection of your worth at all. It's the other person's way of saying your life and time is better off without them. Take a deep breath and best wishes

adeeba · Nov 21st, 2009, 10:48 AM

All the Best

PyariCgudia · Nov 21st, 2009, 11:22 AM

Wow. Not something I miss.

Be yourself, I suppose. :-)

I don't think its unreasonable for you to ask permission from the elders when they do come and visit, if they think its okay that you two talk privately at some point before any decisions are made. Who knows. You might see the guy and observe him, and think its not worth talking to him at all. Maybe he's repulsive.

He's interviewing you, but don't forget - you're also interviewing him. Watch his every move. Observe his family and the power control. Does his mom control everything? Is he allowed to open his mouth by his family? Does he do anything slightly rude or inconsiderate while he's at your home? Does he make any retarded comments?

A guy opens his mouth and you can figure out easily:

1. If he's a retard.
2. If he's been well-schooled
3. Where his priorities are.

You should definitely ask questions to the family, or if the set-up doesn't allow you to talk, make a list of questions for your parents to ask him. Like, you should know what you're looking for. And you need to ask those questions. Ex. you want him to live alone with you away from his parents, then they need to be asked about living arrangements after marriage.

alvena · Nov 21st, 2009, 01:59 PM

Thankyou for the advice everyone!!

I asked my mum if i have to bring tea out and she said no i dont yayyyy!!

I just want to go for like 10 mins and come out....

And i want to talk to the guy on his own, i hope i will be able to.

Ok another thing i found out about him, he spent 5 years in pak , the rest of his life was here in england.

I have spent my whole life is england going pakiland every summer only.

DO u think he will be a bit fresh? nothing wrong with fresh people but it worries me... like his urdu is going to be better than mine...

PyariCgudia · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:00 PM

5 years between ages of 11 and 16 is nothing. Now you can ask him, how those years have shaped him - and if he gives you a fobby answer, there you have it.

Enigmatica · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:06 PM

doesn't matter sweetz ...pakistanis are not all that bad

even if they have moved to uk 5 years back

good luck with the ordeal

i know it can be very annoying. Been through that. Just be yourself, the way you would be with any other guests

han no need to bring the tea trolly and all. Just go greet them nicely, talk normally, excuse kero and kitchen ka bahana bana ker one can always take a break

lol

Enigmatica · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:08 PM

and yes alvena..at this point in time, i don't see any need to talk to the guy before you actually see him and have met his family too. Maybe he's a total loser so what was the point of even talking to him if he turns out to be a super weird brocolli on his teeth type

LOL

alvena · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:11 PM

thanks for the advice guys...

I feel better!!

I dont know why i feel so anxious about it all that i am actually losing sleeep!

zobia · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:13 PM

be yourself, and no need to panic.

cuz if the rishta doesnt work out then its not the end of the world.

samb · Nov 21st, 2009, 05:52 PM

bug the room ISI-style... then, get all your family to leave the room strategically... let the visitors think that it's just them and the samosas in the room... then let the real them come out... and listen to how/what they really think... it's a big decision. so, it's worth it.

the chai parade I think is another sign of the bankruptcy in our artistic circles. the chai parade/rishta party concept is fertile ground for so much comedy. and yet no one in the entertainment industry has addressed it except for the brief scene in "East Is East" which was pretty hilarious. but I bet someone with some writing ability and a sense of humor could write a brilliant comedy out of just chai parades.

sa-Nafooz · Nov 21st, 2009, 05:58 PM

good luck dudette!!

djmi · Nov 21st, 2009, 10:40 PM

I would go with samb's answer. And i would watch those chai parade sitcoms as well.