Niksik

OK so yeah I know I am overreacting but moms of girls usually do. I apologize in advance.

I have many friends who have sons the same age as my girls. While a handful of them are very well behaved boys, polite and aware of "distance" a couple of them in particular like to stick to them and touch them. Now I am talking ages 6-8, so they are big and do understand if told.

I have told them to keep their hands off because it isn't nice and they do that, and a couple of times their mom's have come to the defense saying, oh he's just playing or oh, you are so touchy about your girls .

Of course I get stressed when these 2 families are to stop by and throughout that time I am watching

How do I deal with it...or do I?

UZ

Well I don't know much about that but my daughter's doc told Zafi that if someone else touches accept your mommy always tell your parents.Its different kind of touching but I heard that when boys are in their teens especially 10 or older they should behave and don't touch girls.Because one of our neighbor was telling us that sometimes boys to show them their shame. And you have to talk to your girl about that.

Sahar02

What kind of touching do you mean? Like hitting, punching, kicking (in a playful way) that may be accidentally rough. Or hugging, caressing, and kissing? I've seen little boys who are very innocent and just can't help touching long hair or pretty dresses or something. Just wondering which you mean.

Niksik

I mean, hugging and holding hands, sitting chipak key, trying to fall over her...

Yes I have talked to her and she brings it to my attention right away.

Sahar02

If you've said something to the mothers, and they don't think it's a big deal, I'd encourage you to help your daughter to learn how to keep her distance. You may have to lessen contact with those specific families too. I'm surprised these moms aren't a bit more sensitive, but I guess it's hard to think of your little child doing something that "inappropriate."

My mumani doesn't let her 8yo daughter play with boys but is actually more concerned about her 4yo son playing with girls, as she finds American girls to be especially clingy and touchy-feely. I felt it was too young to make him so conscious, but I guess it's hard to really know for sure. And he's a little smart-aleck and commented back to her that his sister plays with their male cousin who's a bit younger than her. How come that's allowed?

Niksik

I am limited our visits for sure! Other than that I have instructed my daughters that when boys come over they are not allowed to take them to their room but have to play outside in the family room.

And the moms, they think I'm paranoid

Sahar02

^ Well, I guess they are entitled to their opinion, just as you're entitled to yours. Do what in your gut feels right for your children.

Niksik

Absolutely yes...

Mamaof3

Nik, I understand your concern about your girls. I only have boys but I can imagine if Ihad a girl, the extra worries that come with it. Anyway, if a parent asks them to behave a certain way, I make sure my boys respect that. Generally, the west is a very huggy, hand-holding society so its always best to explain to the boys and their parents that this is not the way to behave with your girls. They should understand and comply. If not, the only thing to do is limit contact with them.

At this age, I dont think there are any sexual overtones but just simple affection. My boys hug their friends - boys and girls. They also hold hands when out walking. But if I notice anyone - kid or adult - that seems uncomfortable with that, I'll point it out to my boys and it stops then and there.

Hashmat Usmani

MIAinVA

You're definitely not over-reacting, I would behave the same way.
Fortunately, my 3 yr old thinks boys are yucky and stays away from them 100%.
It might be different as she grows older (I hope not though)

maroush

Niks, if it was up to me, my girls would be tagged with tracking devices (till they're 21), and would wear a camera which would link back to a monitor screen in my home.... hopefully this will become acceptable conduct one day....

You just have to rely on what you have taught your children....and trust them to know what's right and wrong from what you have taught them.

Muzna

Oh man....I really did not need this to think about now......

Mamaof3

Actually, Niks, this can be a wonderful learning-moment type of thing for your girls and their friends. Tell your girls that they have to explain things to their friends who don't know. Muslim girls do not hold hands or touch each other. Its ok for non-muslim kids but not for them because its haraam. Haraam means forbidden to them. Have your girls explain this to their touchy-friends and I'd bet that they understand.

When my middle son was in kindergarten, he had a lovely classmate who loved dogs. But hed explain to his friends that he cannot have one in his house because its haraam, he;d explain what haraam is and that its ok for them but not for him. All the kids completely understood and respected that and actually asked many more questions about haraam and halaal etc. Kids are sometimes more capable of understanding than their parents are!

Niksik

MO3, my daughter did say it to one of the boys... don't touch me please because muslims are not supposed to do that. His ma commented to me that I am raising my girls too strictly and when she was leaving she asked if I am planning to make them wear hijab in school...especially because I don't wear hijab...so I realized that my daughter had touched the wrong nerve

sadzzz

hmmm i am very very weary of boys touching my daughter... and shes not even 3 yet. But i think its not right at all.. if ur 5+ and a boy, you should know better, and if u dont, then i think the parents need to tell their kids... especially if they have daughters as well.

Usually if my daughter is playing with a male on her own, i do my regular checks.. or have somenoe older in the room. I am a bit wacko about this.. but i just dont like it.

mamababaandbaby

In this day and age you can never be too careful.
If a 5 year old can say that some one is their boyfriend/girlfriend then they should be able to understand what is right and wrong in terms of physical behaviour between boys and girls.

i've seen younger cousins of mine in the 5-10 age range saying someone is their boyfriend /girlfriend and their parents seem to be doing nothing about this kind of behaviour and yet they can tell them off for dancing.

hareem01

We don't say this word boyfriend/girlfriend in front of our kids.

hareem01

lolz.....
clever little girl.

MIAinVA

Yeah well, better to be strict with your daughters than them having boyfriends at age 12. By the way, does that lady have a daughter herself?