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    Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
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    1. #1
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      Salam

      Just want ur opinion about all the "chitta goora" madness in our culture theese days. We r so obsessed about getting baby with white\light skintone that we almost don`t think of much else. I just gave birth to a little girl with not that much light skintone. She is savli. I know my own familymembers think that the is dark and that even other ppl will talk about her skintone when they come to see her wich really upsets me. All this has made me really upseth. This much that I don`t like ppl coming visiting us. I feel I have failed during my pregnancy. Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah that I have got a healthy child....but, why couldn`t I even get a chitta gora bacha?

      What can I do? Any ideas to how I can lighten her skintone?

    2. #2
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      I know you're upset but please do not try to lighten her skin tone! Appriciate what ALLAH give you, she could have had an illness or anything. Just ignore what others say and enjoy your baby.

    3. #3
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      Calm down!! Mashallah you've given birth to a healthy and beautiful child! Who cares what others think!!! she is your daughter and you loove her to bits!
      As for skin colour.... I have known many babies to change skin tone, my own niece for example was very dark when born and then after about 2 months had very light skin tone.Babies change day by day. Take pride in your daughter and show her off to the world. Bring her up to be a kind, considerate good muslim, that will mena more than skin colour any day.
      Congratulations by the way!!!

    4. #4
      S02
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      ignore the trash and enjoy your child. Thank Allah everyday you have one.

      Period.


      ARGH: This makes me so angry. The beginning of the post SHOWS that you know that what you are saying is bad, and yet you are giving into it.

      Like I said above, be grateful everyday for your precious child, and ignore these idiotic comments. If you give into them, you don't deserve the gift you have.

    5. #5
      khatoon-e-khaas from delhi darbaar
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      plus.. waht is ure own skin tone and ure husband's?? its really dumb when ppl expect a white baby being born to a set of dark skinned parents.. again not like it cant happen but seriously.. what are the odds eh!

      my son was born very fair... then the 2nd and 3rd month he went dark and now he is back to being fair. ónce he starts school he will again go back to being dark... they change a million times ... what doesnt change is the fact that god gave us healthy babies.. if you urself are asking bout how to get her to be fair, then u dont believe that ure baby is perfect.
      otherwise its really not that hard to shut ppl up.
      standing alone on a street of broken dreams

    6. #6
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      I know that our desi culture equates fair skin with beauty.

      But tell me something. Let's assume that you had a gori chitti beti........is that any guarantee that she would be a PRETTY as well? What if she's gori but overweight? Gori with a big nose and beady eyes?

      ^Do you see what I'm trying to say here? You're concerned about skin color.........when in reality.........people can PICK ON A WHOLE LOT MORE than just skin color. They can criticize your weight, your facial features, your laugh, your voice, the way that you walk.

      ^Sometimes people criticize because they are bitter and jealous and other times because they have no tact. So, what will you do? For the rest of your life....every time someone criticizes your daughter.....are you going to scold her for every little thing? Are you going to tell your daugther "Beta....this aunti said you walk funny....I want you to fix your walk"....."Beta this aunti said you have a big nose....I want you to fix it"......"Beta this aunti said that your eyes are too small....let's try to make them bigger."

      ^
      You're going to ruin your daughter's self-esteem if you continue to surrender to people's comments. I'm telling you this from personal experience. A healthy self-esteem is the BEST gift you can give your daughter. And a confident daughter......learns confidence from her mother. If the mother herself is not confident and is going to be insecure over every little thing.........she won't be able to equip her daughter with the inner strength that she will need to face life's challenges.

      ^And let me tell you something. And this too from experience. When a child sees that OTHERS are picking on her.........it hurts. But what hurts the child EVEN MORE....is when the child sees that mommy is to weak to support.

      ^And here's another thing I've noticed as well...based on observation and experience. When others (your relatives and friends) SEE that they can get away with criticizing your daughter........and that you don't stand up for her.........it gives these people the message that they can go ahead and say whatever they want about your daughter...(and even to your daughter) whenever they want.

      As Saheli said above, babies change so much during infancy. My younger sister was gori chitti as a baby...you could even see her veins (that's how fair skinned she was)..........and now she's the darkest in the family. I was the darkest baby........and now I have the lightest skin among my siblings. I still think that my sister is the better looking one.

      I've seen gorgeous babies turn out not so attractive when they're older. And I've seen average looking babies turn out gorgeous. I'm sure you've seen fair skinned girls who are average looking and dark skinned girls who have more stunning features. And an attractive personality makes a person even more attractive to others. Be grateful for what you have and build her character....it's the thing she'll need most in this life and the next.
      Last edited by redvelvet; Apr 25th, 2010 at 11:56 AM.

    7. #7
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      and you know what boggles me most...just because the baby can't talk back or show emotion...they can say anything? like its some inferior being. it just shows their ignorance and disregard for peoples happiness.

      iv seen the parents going through such stuff just smile back or laugh.....but i am sure theydont appreciate it.

    8. #8
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      Quote Originally Posted by lifeless View Post
      and you know what boggles me most...just because the baby can't talk back or show emotion...they can say anything? like its some inferior being. it just shows their ignorance and disregard for peoples happiness?

      iv seen the parents going through such stuff just smile back or laugh.....but i am sure theydont appreciate it.

      ^Yeah, but if the parents are going to get so worked up over some tactless moronic comment that a relative made when the kids is only a baby and can't talk or show emotion.............then how bad will it be when the kid is older and develops feelings (that can get hurt).......and sees that parents give in to every criticism.

      I understand the idea of being the "bigger person" and showing patience to people who make idiotic comments. But I've also seen that if you put a person in their place (even nicely).......it may stop them. Sometimes when a kid sees their parent all quiet in the face of insults......the kid may think that the parent supports the views of those who are criticizing. The parents' behavior may be seen as passive participation by the child. And I've seen it happen.

      It can all snowball and have some devastating effects if it's not checked.

    9. #9
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      what colour are you...

      and secondly tell them to **** off.

    10. #10
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      This kinda stuff makes me really sad and angry.

      There are people in this world struggling to conceive, and SubhanAllah, Allah has blessed you with a healthy and beautiful child. Remember this, be grateful and thank Allah for this precious gift you have been given and ignore what those morons are saying.
      We don't need no education....

      Erm, yes you do....you just used a double negative.

    11. #11
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      i sooooooo feel ur pain. i m med fair and husband is med dark.. not severly black dark. but as mch as i wish inside of me(and so dus he) that she is atleast even or fair complexion, i cant help prayin i hope she is healthy. shes my daughter after all and i think i wud love her no matter wot. she was in my womb for 9 freakin months and i love her to bits already so i think this dusnt matter mch or atleast u shud try not to think too mch abt it. but ur reaction of being anti social and not meetin ppl becus of her complexion is, i m sorry, v v vain of u. be proud of her. unless ur hubs and u r fair u cant have a fair baby its fightin with the genes really. to hell with the world.. she is ur precious one. ppl who are so ****in mean and comment on her color cn just buzzzzzzzzzzzzz offf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    12. #12
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      2 WHITE BLUE EYED blonde haired male and female procreate.
      the baby is born white, blue eyed and blonde,
      they protest in shame `but we wanted a black baby`....
      why didnt they marry a black person then.

      rocket science anyone?

    13. #13
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      if your baby was born as white as a gori and had some kind of deformation what help would the baby skin colour be,be thankful to allah that you have a healthy baby because they are are some people who cannot concieve.

    14. #14
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      Quote Originally Posted by maroush View Post
      This kinda stuff makes me really sad and angry.

      There are people in this world struggling to conceive, and SubhanAllah, Allah has blessed you with a healthy and beautiful child. Remember this, be grateful and thank Allah for this precious gift you have been given and ignore what those morons are saying.
      amen to that!

      you have just become a mother and you need to be stronger than you've ever been before if you want to raise your little baby to be a good person and a productive member of society. if you give in to these people, you are already failing her as a mother - grow a spine and stand up to the small-minded, ignorant people you are surrounded by. i'm sorry to be harsh, but i cannot sympathize with you- either you love your child enough despite her "shortcomings" like her savli skin, or you don't. and if you don't, then you really don't deserve her. do yourself and her a favour and put her up for adoption- maybe she'll be happier with a different family who won't think she's less of a person because she's not snow white, and happier with a mother who won't consider herself as having "failed in her pregnancy".
      Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
      - Nehru

    15. #15
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      I UNDERSTAND and its so frustrating. I have twin girls and one is light and the other is sanvli and they r beautiful in their own right but IVe had people come up to me and tell me the lighter one is the cuter one, their favorite one. It pisses me off but I want to raise them with insane confidence in themselves and how am I suppose to do that when people around me are always pointing out how they r different because of their skin color. I don't want them growing up comparing themselves to each other and end up resenting each other and I don't know what to do to stop those around me. For me, Both are equally beautiful and i love them but I don't want other people to mess up their self esteem. My answer is as long as they are healthy and have awesome kismat, i don't care.
      Last edited by Moodie Foodie; Apr 26th, 2010 at 01:12 AM.
      Slightly Crazy and Plenty Lazy

    16. #16
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      My sister was Born Savli but when she start growing/walkign her skin tone was getting lighter day by day...And I've seen many kids like this who were born dark or savle but they turn out Gore..

    17. #17
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sahar02 View Post
      ignore the trash and enjoy your child. Thank Allah everyday you have one.

      Period.


      ARGH: This makes me so angry. The beginning of the post SHOWS that you know that what you are saying is bad, and yet you are giving into it.

      Like I said above, be grateful everyday for your precious child, and ignore these idiotic comments. If you give into them, you don't deserve the gift you have.
      I agree with Sahar ! Enjoy your precious gift. Babies are so precious.

      When my baby was born she was not fair & was very low birth weight and she was too criticised and yes it used to hurt me alot , I too felt that I have failed my pregnancy and believe it or not some people said it to me indirectly too . When I used to take her to hospital for checkups many other mothers waiting over there used to ask me with a disgust on their face " yeh itni kamzor kiyoon hai ?" then there were also people who used to say kind words like "fikar nahi thek ho jaye gi bus ek do months ki baat hai" I know how it feels but the best is to "ignore" I can promise you that your baby will change her looks so many times and with every change she will become more beautiful and cute ! loads of love for your baby!
      Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity !

    18. #18
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      If you react by agreeing with them and being ashamed then you are just as bad as they are.

      IGNORE THEM, in fact praise her in front of them even more and emphasise the fact that Allah swt has given you such a gorgeous child, the creator can create such marvel who are we to critisize His creation?! They will be so embarrassed nobody will ever mention it again. Shut them up, sorry but you should defend your baby from these narrow minded people and embarrass them so that they don't say bad things in the future to her that may affect her confidence.

      You have to continuosly praise her and teach her this, if you have a complex about her skin colour then I feel sorry for her level of confidence in the future. May Allah grant your child with health, wealth, piety, inner and outer beauty , confidence to deal with ignorant people and happiness, ameen.
      I hate advice unless I'm giving it.....

      I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

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