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    Results 1 to 17 of 17
    1. #1
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      Sunset_Eyes's Avatar
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      AOA

      Today i found out that one of my husband's friend passed away last week and he only found out about it today unfortunately. He had cancer - his leg was amputated but i guess the cancer was spread. For some reason he went to China to seek treatment and that's where he passed away!

      My husband is very sad and upset - i myself, am sad but i know not as much as my husband as i had only met him once!

      How do i console him? What do i say to him? I dont know what to say to someone in this situation. Any words of advice would be grateful from someone who has been in this situation. Can i hug him? Should i give him space? Do i approach him?

      Thank You
      Last edited by Sunset_Eyes; Mar 26th, 2007 at 09:31 AM. Reason: Alteration
      Now Scoot!

    2. #2
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      SolarOceans's Avatar
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      Inna Lilahay Wa Inna Illahi Rajaoon.

      May Allah (swt) grant him heaven and help your family through this Ameen.

      I don't know what you'd say to him. It's so sad
      "Girls you've got to know when it's time to turn the page, when you're only wet because of the rain"

    3. #3
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      Sunset_Eyes's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by SolarOceans View Post
      Inna Lilahay Wa Inna Illahi Rajaoon.

      May Allah (swt) grant him heaven and help your family through this Ameen.

      I don't know what you'd say to him. It's so sad
      Thank You - This is it SolarOceans - i dont know what to do! I got the info from him over the phone - but what do i do when he comes home from work? How do i approach him? With a hug? Stay quiet - let him be on his own? Be with him?
      Now Scoot!

    4. #4
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      Amber11's Avatar
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      Inna Lillah Wa inna Illahi Rajaoon.. Pray for him. Do let his family know that you guys feel really sad and Apko sun kar buhat afsos howa.Allah Talleh unko Janat naseeb Karein.
      Then talk about the times that you guys(since you have only met hime once), Your husband had with him. The good and the bad. Let him talk if he wants to.See how he is reacting, then decide if that approach is working.Men do react differently to grief then girls, so for some they may require being alone and wat is said as being in their cave, and for some they'll need the condolances in the form of emotional support. Really look at his body language and his mood.Hope he feels better.
      Disconnecting from change does not recapture the past. It loses the future."

      รขโ‚ฌโ€ Kathleen Norris

    5. #5
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      Quote Originally Posted by Amber11 View Post
      Inna Lillah Wa inna Illahi Rajaoon.. Pray for him. Do let his family know that you guys feel really sad and Apko sun kar buhat afsos howa.Allah Talleh unko Janat naseeb Karein.
      Then talk about the times that you guys(since you have only met hime once), Your husband had with him. The good and the bad. Let him talk if he wants to.See how he is reacting, then decide if that approach is working.Men do react differently to grief then girls, so for some they may require being alone and wat is said as being in their cave, and for some they'll need the condolances in the form of emotional support. Really look at his body language and his mood.Hope he feels better.
      Thank You - i wil certainly do that cuz i do not want to upset him further...
      Now Scoot!

    6. #6
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      Raima Noveen's Avatar
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      Inna Lillah Wa inna Illahi Rajaoon.
      Try to keep him busy don't leave him alone. Sometime hug or just talking about the good memories help. Only time will take care of it. Try to go to see friend's family or someone else who was mutual so they can talk and share this sad time. Hope he feels better and Allah swt unhay Jannat naseeb furmaye.

    7. #7
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sunset_Eyes View Post
      Thank You - This is it SolarOceans - i dont know what to do! I got the info from him over the phone - but what do i do when he comes home from work? How do i approach him? With a hug? Stay quiet - let him be on his own? Be with him?
      I think this is one of those moments where you can't really say something to someone to make them feel better.

      But you can be there for him.
      You don't have to talk. . .
      just be with him. . .

      sometimes, silence speaks volumes

      we all take comfort in the fact that we have someone to share the pain. . .

      hang in there babes. . .
      "Girls you've got to know when it's time to turn the page, when you're only wet because of the rain"

    8. #8
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      Sunset_Eyes's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by SolarOceans View Post
      I think this is one of those moments where you can't really say something to someone to make them feel better.

      But you can be there for him.
      You don't have to talk. . .
      just be with him. . .

      sometimes, silence speaks volumes

      we all take comfort in the fact that we have someone to share the pain. . .

      hang in there babes. . .
      God - Thanks! This advice sure did bring tears to my eyes even though i didnt even knew him!
      Now Scoot!

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      Sunset eyes, it reallydepends on your husband and your relationship what works..but in my opinion talk to your husband tell him that you feel so bad for him and that you're there for him if he wants to talk about his friends, ask him if there's anything you can do...bring it up. Some guys may not want to talk aout it all...others may be looking for the opportunity just don't know how to start.

      Inshallah he'll feel better soon.

    10. #10
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      Sunset_Eyes's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by amelie View Post
      Sunset eyes, it reallydepends on your husband and your relationship what works..but in my opinion talk to your husband tell him that you feel so bad for him and that you're there for him if he wants to talk about his friends, ask him if there's anything you can do...bring it up. Some guys may not want to talk aout it all...others may be looking for the opportunity just don't know how to start.

      Inshallah he'll feel better soon.
      Thank You so much guys..God, u guys have helped me so much! I really appreciate it! Amelie, thank you for your advice - believe me i shall do that.
      Now Scoot!

    11. #11
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      stay with him also u may not have 2 say anythin as long as he nos that ur there

    12. #12
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      Nikka Kaka's Avatar
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      Everyone handles their grief in their own way, in their own time. Be there, but not there. Make sense? When he wants to talk, he will. Until then, you have to just be available. This is just my opinion
      "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

    13. #13
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      ^^^ yea thats wat i ment to say

    14. #14
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      Submission To Peace's Avatar
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      I appologise if I am repeating anything said above, though I agree with all the points mentioned.

      First of all, pray to your Lord to help you in consoling him, give him strength and make things easier for him.

      I think it depends alot on the way he wants to be treated in such a situation. Some people get really irritated by other people showing sympathy and giving consolation to them, while others needs hugs and words of consolation.

      To be on the safer side while treating a man it is better to try not to speak much. I think it is better to show your concern more by actions than by words. Just cook or bring his favourite dish, give him his favourite juice. Make the environment confortable for him, the way he usually likes.

      In such sensitive situations even minor things sometimes hold alot of importance and can make things worse. Forexample an unorganised room, too many clothes in the washroom, high TV volume....etc. Anything which usually irritates him little can irritate him alot in such situations. Try to recall everything that he likes and try to make most of them available to him. Don't go away from him unless you have a very urgent thing to do, because he might even need you for a glass of water.

      In short, try to do whatever he usually wants you to do.

      And last but not least, encourage him to pray to his Lord for strength, as only He is the source of all satisfactions and strength to overcome any loss
      Jinko sajdey mein roney ki aadat ho dost woh kabhi qismat par roya nahin kartey.

    15. #15
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      Sunset_Eyes's Avatar
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      AOA

      Dearest guppies, just want to thank you to all who those who responded to my post. It was very much appreciated and was very helpful...Little flower for each of you...
      Now Scoot!

    16. #16
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      Ina Lilahi Wa Ina Ilayhi Rajau Oon. May Allah grant him heaven. Ameen


      I dont think you can deal with someone who has passed away. Look at your thread tittle please.

    17. #17
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      How to deal with someone who has passed away? Please help
      you can't.. you got to leave everything upto Allah
      Majbori ka dosra naam 'Shukriya'