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    1. #1
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      njgal's Avatar
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      Realistically what are the chances of a woman who got divorced to get remarried again. Is divorce still considered such a BIG TABOO in our culture?

      Would you consider married someone who was a divorcee? Why or why not?
      A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

    2. #2
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      I know it's difficult for a divorced lady to find another rishtha, due to whatever views some men hold about divorcees. However I have seen 1 divorced cousin get remarried to a wonderful man, as well as a divorced family friend with 2 kids recently got remarried. Not sure how she is, but I guess OK as I haven't heard anything negative either.

      There are good people out there, who simply look at the rishtha as a rishtha....not a rishtha that was previously divorced. Sometimes it is just bad luck, no one's fault and a relationship doesn't work out. I think when kids are involved it is harder....not only to find a rishtha but to find a good one where he will accept the kids and not cause hardship.

    3. #3
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      well , there is no question of "still considered a taboo " .... it should be held as a taboo, at least for muslims.

      There are exceptions always when a man and a woman have seriously genuine issues to get divorced. It is acceptable.

      But generally it shouldnt become an acceptable norm at all , like its become in the west, every time a divorce happens , Allah's Abode shudders with extreme sadness ... Divorce is satan's best strategy against humans ... its all in the sunnah and is highly discouraged in Islam.

      Marrying a divorcee , I would think a million times , and unless i am absolutely convinced that there was a huge and a genuine reason for divorce , I will never ever consider that individual for marriage. A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
      People Look For The Perfect Person To Love But They Fail To Realize That A Person Becomes Perfect When We Begin To Love Them Sincerely..

    4. #4
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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
      CB - don't you think allah would understand. I mean some marriages are just really really bad and getting a divorce is also a RIGHT that Allah gave in those circumstances.
      A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

    5. #5
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      Hey guys Divorce isnt an option that is taken lightly- the Quran clearly states its to be considered as a last resort when ALL else has failed and all other methods of resolution have been addressed... I would like to think that Divorced Guppies and Guppays have just as much a chance of remarrying then their single counterparts of marying but in reality , this is quite a rareity-... all rests in the hands of Allah swt and we hope that Allah swt blesses all Ameen

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      I was very unhappy in my first marriage and thank goodnessgraciousme I did not have children in that marriage. I thought perhaps I'd join the navy as my father did. But things developed with my hubby, who ws my best friend at that point, engaged via arrangement to a Desi gal That all unravelled (the gal decided ot to go thru with it, didnt want to leave her homeland).

      I am forever in her debt for giving me the prince of my dreams. Never did I think I'd end up so very happily married. Families on both sides had their misgivings at first but they've long been laid to rest. I love my family, each and every one of them. and never fail to count my many blessings mashallah.

    7. #7
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      Quote Originally Posted by poppies View Post
      ... I would like to think that Divorced Guppies and Guppays have just as much a chance of remarrying then their single counterparts of marying but in reality , this is quite a rareity-...
      RARITY - hmm - 1/5? 1/10? what are the odds?

      Would it matter if she was pretty? or successful? or didn't have kids? all of the above - none of the above?
      A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

    8. #8
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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      well , there is no question of "still considered a taboo " .... it should be held as a taboo, at least for muslims.

      There are exceptions always when a man and a woman have seriously genuine issues to get divorced. It is acceptable.

      But generally it shouldnt become an acceptable norm at all , like its become in the west, every time a divorce happens , Allah's Abode shudders with extreme sadness ... Divorce is satan's best strategy against humans ... its all in the sunnah and is highly discouraged in Islam.

      Marrying a divorcee , I would think a million times , and unless i am absolutely convinced that there was a huge and a genuine reason for divorce , I will never ever consider that individual for marriage. A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
      this is sad to hear


      Men probably have no problem getting remarried.
      Last edited by TT; Jul 1st, 2009 at 02:25 PM.

    9. #9
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      Quote Originally Posted by njgal View Post
      CB - don't you think allah would understand. I mean some marriages are just really really bad and getting a divorce is also a RIGHT that Allah gave in those circumstances.
      The fact is njgal, yes Allah has given the right in worst cases there is a way out , I totally respect that .... and I also respect the fact that it is Allah who has asked us to stay away from divorce as its the most hated act in the eyes of Allah.

      Thats why I said that unless there is a genuine and a true reason that some one is divorced its acceptable , but if someone got divorced coz " hamare khiyal nai miltay etc " or " my inlaws were difficult people and I couldnt survive anymore ".. then apologies but they are just very materialistic individuals and should be denounced ...

      A woman being hit by her husband has a solid case , she seeks divorce that is acceptable...
      People Look For The Perfect Person To Love But They Fail To Realize That A Person Becomes Perfect When We Begin To Love Them Sincerely..

    10. #10
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      Quote Originally Posted by tt01 View Post
      this is sad to hear.
      Ofcourse its sad for you .. go read what religion tells you and then come back and dare to denounce .
      People Look For The Perfect Person To Love But They Fail To Realize That A Person Becomes Perfect When We Begin To Love Them Sincerely..

    11. #11
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      Quote Originally Posted by njgal View Post
      RARITY - hmm - 1/5? 1/10? what are the odds?

      Would it matter if she was pretty? or successful? or didn't have kids? all of the above - none of the above?
      The odds of a divorced woman getting remarried compared to a single woman getting married 1st time round is probably slim- I imagine theres more single people out there than divorced......Divorced single women I guess would be seen as a rather more attractive package then those with children...It is however very objective- jaha kismat likke hoti hai.......

    12. #12
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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      Ofcourse its sad for you .. go read what religion tells you and then come back and dare to denounce .
      I wasn't denouncing anything. I now girls who are divorced, they both have kids. The reason they both got divorced is because their husbands treated them worse than animals.
      And how many times in desi culture do you hear people getting a divorce just because they are not compatible?
      Last edited by TT; Jul 1st, 2009 at 02:37 PM.

    13. #13
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      Our religion is one of fairness. While divorce is not preferred, I think that Allah would understand if the marriage has become so dysfunctional that it's become a form of zulm/oppression to stay in it. Divorce may be among the least liked of permissible things by Allah.......but it is there as a way out when things become dysfunctional. In some religions, no matter how bad the marriage is, divorce is not allowed at all. It all depends upon the situation.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      The fact is njgal, yes Allah has given the right in worst cases there is a way out , I totally respect that .... and I also respect the fact that it is Allah who has asked us to stay away from divorce as its the most hated act in the eyes of Allah.

      Thats why I said that unless there is a genuine and a true reason that some one is divorced its acceptable , but if someone got divorced coz " hamare khiyal nai miltay etc " or " my inlaws were difficult people and I couldnt survive anymore ".. then apologies but they are just very materialistic individuals and should be denounced ...

      A woman being hit by her husband has a solid case , she seeks divorce that is acceptable...
      Those two reasons can be completely valid to seek divorce.

      I feel that you are wrong in dismissing every case of divorce on these grounds as having a basis in materialism.

      People are different and they react differently. Your threshold of pain may not always be the same as another person's.

    15. #15
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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      The fact is njgal, yes Allah has given the right in worst cases there is a way out , I totally respect that .... and I also respect the fact that it is Allah who has asked us to stay away from divorce as its the most hated act in the eyes of Allah.

      Thats why I said that unless there is a genuine and a true reason that some one is divorced its acceptable , but if someone got divorced coz " hamare khiyal nai miltay etc " or " my inlaws were difficult people and I couldnt survive anymore ".. then apologies but they are just very materialistic individuals and should be denounced ...

      A woman being hit by her husband has a solid case , she seeks divorce that is acceptable...

      CB,

      I understand where you're coming from and also the importance of respecting the institution of marriage.

      BUT, I also believe that unless you are in a person's shoes, you will not know what they're going through.

      You might listen to a person's story and think to yourself that they don't have a valid enough reason to split up. BUT.......to actually live that person's life is a whole other experience.

      Some couples might have the meddlesome pesky in-laws that grate on your nerves but are not bad enough to warrant an end to the marriage. And there are some in-laws (everybody's situation is different) who continuously inflict psychological, emotional......even physical torture on a wife/bahu. In such situations, the Islamic recommendation is that the husband can provide his wife with a separate house (especially if efforts to resolve conflicts are not working). But if the husband himself is not supportive and the wife is in a one-sided relationship where she feels that she is frequently having to "endure and be the bigger person" and where all other strategies have failed.........how much more is she supposed to take? This abuse could affect her health, her self-esteem, her ability to function in day to day activities......including being a mom to her children.

      And YES......I understand where you're coming from as well. There ARE people who will ask for divorce just over a single spat with the in-laws. And such individuals are careless and fickle about their commitments. BUT some people DO have valid reasons for a divorce.

      You said that hitting is solid grounds for a divorce. But keep in mind that PERSISTENT emotional/psychological abuse can be more painful than physical wounds. Especially if efforts have been made to correct the problem and nothing is working. I'm not talking about people who play the divorce card for every little issue. I'm talking about those who have given it their best to save the marriage and still things are getting worse.
      Last edited by redvelvet; Jul 1st, 2009 at 02:57 PM.

    16. #16
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      Quote Originally Posted by princessjojo View Post
      Those two reasons can be completely valid to seek divorce.

      I feel that you are wrong in dismissing every case of divorce on these grounds as having a basis in materialism.

      People are different and they react differently. Your threshold of pain may not always be the same as another person's.

      No they are not valid cases for divorce .. it clearly shows that an individual doesnt have the patience or motivation to deal with human relations and sensitivities of life.

      I was thinking the other day that even in your career , if you display quick job jumps, impatience in dealing with your colleagues , you will find it impossible to get into your next job ! the employers shun such candidates for fear of gross behaviour, lack of loyalty, lack of interest and interpersonal skills.

      and this huge an affect can hit your career for not being able to keep a job , imagine how huge an impact there will be on one's life for not being able to keep their marriage and relationships.
      People Look For The Perfect Person To Love But They Fail To Realize That A Person Becomes Perfect When We Begin To Love Them Sincerely..

    17. #17
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      Quote Originally Posted by tt01 View Post
      this is sad to hear


      Men probably have no problem getting remarried.
      Never thought I'd agree with you
      we're after the same rainbows end

    18. #18
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      Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Biryani View Post
      well , there is no question of "still considered a taboo " .... it should be held as a taboo, at least for muslims.

      There are exceptions always when a man and a woman have seriously genuine issues to get divorced. It is acceptable.

      But generally it shouldnt become an acceptable norm at all , like its become in the west, every time a divorce happens , Allah's Abode shudders with extreme sadness ... Divorce is satan's best strategy against humans ... its all in the sunnah and is highly discouraged in Islam.

      Marrying a divorcee , I would think a million times , and unless i am absolutely convinced that there was a huge and a genuine reason for divorce , I will never ever consider that individual for marriage. A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
      What do you mean by "lost it" CB? not everyone that gets a divorced has "lost it".

      Most of us here know that divorce is disliked by Allah (SWT) and is discouraged unless there are extreme circumstances for doing so. However, lets keep in mind it is not haram and it is a RIGHT given to us by Allah SWT as well. A right that should be used as a last resort of course. Often times that's whats best for person and their family. So how is divorce an action against Allah's word when it is allowed?

      For some, there is no other way out and staying in a marriage that is doomed can be unhealthy for everyone involved especially after they have exhausted all options.

      Allah SWT see's and knows all..and only He knows whats in our hearts and minds. It's best not to judge and assume the worst about a person just because they are divorced until we know both sides of the story.

      Now getting back to the topic...

      Unfortunately in our culture it is difficult for a woman to get remarried...even more so if she has kids. For men it is still very much possible. However, now that times are changing and finding the right person is getting more difficult, people are willing to keep more of an open mind and look beyond the surface. They are willing to accept a person that is divorced and/or divorced with kids if everything else is perfect.

      The way i see it....accepting another persons child(ren) with open arms and treating them as your own and giving another human being a second chance in life has it's own rewards.

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