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    1. #1
      Haters gonna hate
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      I see many couples wanting to live on their own, ie; joint family system aint their cup of tea. Why is that? Is it because of the so-called independent mentality?

      On the other hand due to this, IMO, there are more problems in the relationship including problems with the kids, which sometime lead to divorce.

      There's nothing wrong with wanting to live alone as a couple, but a joint family system generally speaking works the best! Tradition speaks for itself. Look east and west, joint family system is success!

    2. #2
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      Afro-Sheen's Avatar
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      how so, are you speaking from experience...are you married living in joint family system?

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      Quote Originally Posted by cricketplaya View Post
      I see many couples wanting to live on their own, ie; joint family system aint their cup of tea. Why is that? Is it because of the so-called independent mentality?

      On the other hand due to this, IMO, there are more problems in the relationship including problems with the kids, which sometime lead to divorce.

      There's nothing wrong with wanting to live alone as a couple, but a joint family system generally speaking works the best! Tradition speaks for itself. Look east and west, joint family system is success!
      "Joint family system is success".......sounds like an absolute in which you're leaving no room at all for any exceptions or cons for such a living arrangement.

      Sure, joint family system has its advantages such as greater collaboration in household chores and raising children. (And there are exceptions to this as well).

      Sometimes....the more people under a roof.....more toes can be stepped on...more boundaries can be crossed.....and more effort needs to be put forth in maintaining a healthy balance between the relationships.

    4. #4
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      Quote Originally Posted by Afro-Sheen View Post
      how so, are you speaking from experience...are you married living in joint family system?
      No but this is a worthless observation on my part.. I guess we can throw this ball on the other side too and ask those single people why they are against joint family system when they have no experience?

      Quote Originally Posted by redvelvet View Post
      "Joint family system is success".......sounds like an absolute in which you're leaving no room at all for any exceptions or cons for such a living arrangement.

      Sure, joint family system has its advantages such as greater collaboration in household chores and raising children. (And there are exceptions to this as well).

      Sometimes....the more people under a roof.....more toes can be stepped on...more boundaries can be crossed.....and more effort needs to be put forth in maintaining a healthy balance between the relationships.
      Again, like I said, there's nothing wrong in living away from parents/family, but overall afaik, in general, joint family system has more advantages than living alone.

      Obviously each situation is unique. But hey this is a forum where generalization takes place in every post.

    5. #5
      senorita miembro
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      CP meet Maham S. Both fo you like joint family systems.

      Now let others live thier lives and you live yours.
      The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    6. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sara516 View Post
      CP meet Maham S. Both fo you like joint family systems.

      Now let others live thier lives and you live yours.
      Alhamdulillah, I'm already set. Thanks for your concern though.

      And please don't take this to heart!!!! It's a discussion... let it flow...

    7. #7
      senorita miembro
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      Why would I take it to heart? I have my life and you have yours....

      waise this should be merged with Maham's thread since its the same topic
      The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    8. #8
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sara516 View Post
      Why would I take it to heart? I have my life and you have yours....

      waise this should be merged with Maham's thread since its the same topic
      Ok cool
      Last edited by cricketplaya; May 9th, 2010 at 01:01 AM.

    9. #9
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      CP,

      I see your point but IMHO, joint family systems work only out of majboori as most people dont make enough to support two different households.

      They dont have a choice...yaheen marna hai...yaheen jeena hai...might as well make it work.
      Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

    10. #10
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      Quote Originally Posted by Reha View Post
      CP,

      I see your point but IMHO, joint family systems work only out of majboori as most people dont make enough to support two different households.

      They dont have a choice...yaheen marna hai...yaheen jeena hai...might as well make it work.
      Yeah there are examples of this majboori but saying all work only out of majboori doesn't hold weight... Most of our parents or grandparents have lived under the system, even though the mothers or grandmothers experienced some challenges, they still say it's best to live under one roof. Dunno, I guess it's much easier to keep our religious and cultural values alive in a joint family than separately, not saying it's not the case with separate house.

      But what I want to know through this thread is why do we see more and more couples moving out and/or seeing joint family system as a broken system?

    11. #11
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      Quote Originally Posted by cricketplaya View Post
      Yeah there are examples of this majboori but saying all work only out of majboori doesn't hold weight... Most of our parents or grandparents have lived under the system, even though the mothers or grandmothers experienced some challenges, they still say it's best to live under one roof. Dunno, I guess it's much easier to keep our religious and cultural values alive in a joint family than separately, not saying it's not the case with separate house.
      Most people cannot afford two households...they have no choice but to make it work. Where will they go?

      Im not actually entirely against the joint family system. I think it can be very nice but only if everyone - including husband - realizes their roles and responsibilities towards one another. If they dont, it wont work in today's era because women now have means of supporting themselves and can make do very well with or without men.

      Separate households Ive noticed spend a lot more time together. They develop more as a family, do things together as a unit and are able to instill values into their children as a team versus ten different people telling kids ten different things.
      Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

    12. #12
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      I remember watching a Dr. Israr's speech and he was emphasizing on the fact that Islam doesn't support the joint family system . There are a lot of Perdah issues that doesn't favor joint family system .

      Even logically thinking having a separate family means a separate home with their own ways of living . Joint family system supported in our culture was mainly for two reasons . 1) Financial constraints 2) Security . I think if you can achieve both in your own house then its best option . A joint family system shouldn't be preferred .
      -- Nauman --

    13. #13
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      I agree Namaan. In addition, every wife has an Islmaic right to her own household. Let's not deny that...In addition....Fatima R did not live in a joint household system, neither did any of the wives of Prophet (s), so I fail to see why it would be better...

      Joint famuly systems, have only existed for centuries becaue of financial constraints.

    14. #14
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      Living arrangements are personal decisions just like whether to go for arranged or love marriage. What works best for one family may not work at all for another.

      I have to say though that joint family living is much easier in Pak. The houses are arranged with that in mind, many bedrooms have a full bath and a sitting area so that each can find a degree of privacy when desired. Houses in the west are designed for nuclear family living. So joint family living here is much more difficult.

    15. #15
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      Quote Originally Posted by cricketplaya View Post
      I guess it's much easier to keep our religious and cultural values alive in a joint family than separately,
      Islam does not value joint family system. Under islamic guidance, a separate household for husband and wife is encouraged.
      Joint family system is a hindu or indian system that is now prevalant in pakistan.

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      I understand why it works in Pakistan. A lot of houses are designed with individual bathrooms, kitchens, etc. so you aren't having to share all the time. Western houses aren't exactly designed for joint families. Of course, it depends on how many people are living in the house as well. If it is jsut the parents, it is manageable. If it is two sons, their wives and children, plus a sister, plus you and your spouse, all sharing one or two bathrooms ... well, again, if you like this arrangement, good for you.
      Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

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      You can maintain ties to your parents and still live away. We do it all the time when we move away for college or jobs, right?

      A lot of people have their own homes but live in driving distance of their parents. Of course if they are dependent on others and can't take care of themselves or spouse has died and the parent is living alone and is lonely, that's different.
      I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

    18. #18
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      Its the sites like Gs .. which infiltrate ppls mind to having different opinions .. and generally speaking ... Life1 section doesnt help
      "My dear heart never think you are better than others. Listen to their sorrows with compassion. If you want peace, don't harbour bad thoughts do not gossip and don't teach what you do not know." [Maulana Rumi]

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