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    1. #1
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      Demilitarize's Avatar
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      Im sure all of you would know of at least some woman who

      - abandoned her kids and husband
      - husband died and was forced to leave kids
      - husband died and she willingly left kids with inlaws in search of a better life (husband)
      - other reasons to leave kids (whatever they may be)

      I met a woman today. I knew her kids from her first marriage. Husband died and she remarried. It is hazy as to why she wasnt in touch with her kids. Now when I met her I asked about her child from the second marriage. For a moment I faltered when I tried recalling the name of the kid, since the names of her earlier kids came to my forebrain instead. So I hesitated, and she provided it. I came back and it has been bothering me ever since. How she provided the name of her kid from 2nd marriage as if that was her only child ever.

      1-Do you people have stories to share?
      What are the reasons those particular people have for leaving kids?

      2-
      Once these women remarry, if that was the reason to leave, and then they have children, what makes their second husband think they will be loyal to this child?

      3-
      What are your views on the psyche of not only the abandoned children, but for any child to know that their mother who is with them now,has one two or three other kids from a previous marriage whom she left willingly?

      4-
      If such a woman seems to dote on a child from the second marriage, would you personally believe her? Or would you believe that she has run out of options? This question especially for people with children.

      5-Is your particular story about a woman based in Pakistan or otherwise? What is the social strata? Does that play a role possibly?
      Last edited by Demilitarize; Oct 22nd, 2011 at 04:56 PM. Reason: More questions
      I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

    2. #2
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      I know of a woman who left her newborn child and 2 older kids to live with another man. The husband raised the 3 kids with the help of his mom. Eventually he remarried...after kids were into teens. All happy. The woman is also happy with her new life. Don't know what went on in their lives, but yes, she did leave her kids.

      I do know of several women who send their kids away while pursuing some education/career needs. That's a temporary situation though.

      I don't recall any other stories.
      Don't be hurtin' and hatin' cuz my phone is so cool!

    3. #3
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      Demilitarize's Avatar
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      @Niksik was this situation in pakistan or otherwise?
      I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

    4. #4
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      Pepsi ki Botal's Avatar
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      don't know any stories...well i know of some but theyre not desi...

    5. #5
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      I know a woman who got divorced and left her two boys with her ex. Boys were around 9 and 7 at that time......they went to uni and got jobs but it still messed up their psychology, feel so sorry for them.
      Ex nihilo nihil fit

    6. #6
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      Now those are liberal, free empanciated women That is what desi women should aim for!
      Faris Udeen and NomiCA like this.

    7. #7
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      Afsoon's Avatar
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      Know a woman who left her husband and two kids so that she could chase after a much younger guy. The husband and his family have been taking care of the kids.

    8. #8
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      Sara516's Avatar
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      what's worse? Obviously someone who decides to abandon her children is unhappy and doesn't love them enough or have it in them to be a good parent....wouldn't those kids turn out more damaged and messed up if they're raised by such an unhappy man/woman?
      The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    9. #9
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      I knew a Pakistani woman based in North America who one day walked out on her husband and two daughters...ages 5 years and 11 months at that time.The husband was in the shower,one of the child was asleep and the other was playing while there was something cooking on the stove top.
      It was a mess.Lots of allegations and lies.The husband tried to make her come back from what we heard.She never did.It went through court and she was offered joint custody.She refused seeing her kids.The father took them back to Pakistan a year or more ago.The latest I heard is that the girl is in North America still,the father is raising his daughters in Pakistan with the help of his brother and bhabi...the elder daughter now 7 years plus misses her mother like crazy while the younger daughter considers her tayee as her mom.
      The mother's reason was she did not want to live with the husband...we never got to know any solid reasons for that.Apparently no one was aware of any serious issues between them..it all happened very suddenly.
      I am not sure if either one of the parent has or will remarry.BUT the thing I know is that it will mess up the kids for life.The culture we belong to,will always taunt them about the way how their mom abandoned them.It was never their fault but they will bear the consequences.
      Another pathetic part of the story was that the girl's family was very happy that she 'got rid' of the kids...and considered it is an opportunity for her to flourish in life.We knew that the couple had undergone fertility treatments of a year to have the second baby,.IMO if you have issues,you don't plan kids..!!
      I am sorry for the rant,but this incident about 2 years ago influenced our lives and I feel very strongly about it.
      Last edited by chips6; Oct 22nd, 2011 at 10:37 PM.
      soconfused and Demilitarize like this.
      It's better to light a candle ,than to curse the darkness.

    10. #10
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sara516 View Post
      So what's the lesser of the two evils? Stay and raise your kids while being unhappy and therefore imparting that unhappiness and misery onto your kids or just leaving them?
      I don't know.If you are bitterly miserable,you can call it quits.It will be unfortunate for the kids...but then you can share custody.It is way better than just abandoning them with one parent.
      I also know unhappy and incompatible parents give rise to scarred children.They might appear normal but the damages the parents' bad chemistry can cause are way deep...!!
      It's better to light a candle ,than to curse the darkness.

    11. #11
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      Quote Originally Posted by chips6 View Post
      I am not sure if either one of the parent has or will remarry.BUT the thing I know is that it will mess up the kids for life.The culture we belong to,will always taunt them about the way how their mom abandoned them.It was never their fault but they will bear the consequences.
      but who would do that though? the taya/tayi? Or random strangers? :/

      Quote Originally Posted by chips6 View Post
      I don't know.If you are bitterly miserable,you can call it quits.It will be unfortunate for the kids...but then you can share custody.It is way better than just abandoning them with one parent.
      I also know unhappy and incompatible parents give rise to scarred children.They might appear normal but the damages the parents' bad chemistry can cause are way deep...!!
      Unfortunately that's life, you can't go back and rewind and see what would bring a better outcome years down the line...

      I don't understand why someone would go through fertility treatments only to abandon them later....is it possible at all that she was/is mentally ill and it' was an extreme case of post partum depression?
      soconfused likes this.
      The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    12. #12
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      People from extended family...I don't think there will be anyone who will look at what the mother did with any understanding of her issues,whatever they were.We have lost contact with the parties involved.But you know how desi families are interconnected at some levels and we still here 'hawww haiiii' by very distant relatives.How will they spare the kids once they grow up...!!...

      Might have been a case of post partum depression.God knows...!!..but if it was a severe case,I think there would have been signs.She had it all planned as we later discovered.She had done all her research about what benefits she will get from the states,her rights as a citizen,how the legal things will work and alimony and all that...
      Very unfortunate it all was...
      It's better to light a candle ,than to curse the darkness.

    13. #13
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      I don't know of any woman who has walked away from her children...at least not desi or Muslim.

      In my opinion, unless you have concrete proof of the parent abandoning on purpose when there was another way to handle the situation...its best not to judge. Of course there are cases where the parent was obviously wrong and did actually leave their children.

      However, I haven't met any woman to date who found it easy to walk away from her child.

      We don't know if there are mental illnesses that have not been diagnosed involved. Many times, desi families feel marriage will cure someone but what people really need is a doctor. I know of a marriage that broke up because the guy was bipolar and would NOT seek medical help.
      soconfused likes this.
      Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

    14. #14
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      Demilitarize's Avatar
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      @Reha the thread was inspired by an incident which did happen in real life and to date, since I was quite close with her first children, neither they or I know the true story. They were raised by father's family and told horror stories about their mother.

      The mother, ten years down the line, when contacted by children claims they were cut off from her. And has a different tale altogether to tell. but two of her previous kids were in trouble and really needed financial help and support. Were literally on the streets in another country later on down the line and she didnt do anything to help. So they dont speak with her at all. The renewed contact they initiated themselves was cut off themselves, despite their desperation.

      Hence the questions posed, to hear of opinions in other instances as to why it happened.
      And question to parents about how they feel about this. Surely every parent loves their child? It's a natural thing?
      I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

    15. #15
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      I know of a mother, non-desi though, who left her daughter to marry another man in another state. She only sees her daughter on occasions and what is odd is that she was the ideal mother, absolutely caring and super involved in her education and upbringing. And then one day she just asked for a divorce (guess the couple was having issues for a while) and she married another man and left her daughter. I was absolutely shocked.
      "Creativity and originality lie not in the avoidance of established forms, but in the imaginative use of them" Some smart wiz.

    16. #16
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      whats with all the woman hating demesne?? Gosh!!!!

    17. #17
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      A family moved into our neighbourhood soon after the mother had left the kids and went to live with another man. She was English and the man was Yemeni. 3 kids, the girl used to come to our house to play with our daughter. She did not look particularly disturbed.
      Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.

    18. #18
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      last year in December police found a newborn baby in my back street on footpath. the baby dies cuz he cudnt bear cold. police tried to find whoz baby was it. then they found out that (a Muslim girl who live in neighbours) its her baby. she made mistake n got pregnant whn her parents found out its was too late. so she gave birth to that baby and throw on footpath in snowy day.

      its so disturbing how can she do that with her baby...
      what was baby's fault?


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