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  • Results 1 to 14 of 14
    1. #1
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      Tips for a Better Husband and Wife Relationship
      By Ibrahim Bowers

      Although many Muslims may right now be in failing marriages and on a fast track to divorce and its terrible consequences, there are many ways to put their marriage back on the right track if the husband and wife are sincere in their desire to reconcile. The following principles can be used by Muslims whose marriages are already in trouble or by Muslims who would like to avoid trouble in their marriage.

      Examples of Negative elationship of Husband & Wife

      Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. The wife feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives never show their husband that they are satisfied with anything he does or buys for them in order to trick him into doing and buying more. They make him feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family.

      Marriage In The Eyes of Allah

      It is very sad that this relationship which Allah (SWT) has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

      Allah (SWT) described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: '. . . He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . " (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).

      Do not be a Tyrant

      Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are taught to treat our wives well. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was reported to have said: 'The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives" (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi).

      Be Partners in the Decision Making Process.

      Follow the principle of 'Shura," and make decisions as a family. There will be much more harmony in the family when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels that they had some part in making them.

      Never be Emotionally

      Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your spouse. The Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) never mistreated his wives. He is reported to have said: 'How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?"

      Be Careful of Your Words

      Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation.

      Show Affection

      Show affection for your mate. Be kind, gentle, and loving.

      Be Your Spouse's Friend

      Show interest in your mate's life. Too often, we live in the same house but know nothing about each other's lives. It would be great if the husband and wife could work together for the same cause or on the same project. They could perhaps establish a husband/wife prison ministry, take care of orphans in their home, or lead an Islamic weekend class.

      Show Appreciation

      Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family. Never make your husband feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was reported to have said: 'On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband." (where is this hadith found) Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don't take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated.

      Work Together in the House

      The Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) is known to have helped his wives in the house. And if the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was not above doing housework, modern Muslim husbands shouldn't feel that they are.

      Communication is Important

      Communication, Communication, Communication! This is the big word in counseling. And it should be. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs.

      Forget Past Problems

      Don't bring up past problems once they have been solved.

      Live Simply

      Don't be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. The 'rizq" is from Allah (SWT). In order to develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah (SWT) for the many blessings in your life.

      Give Your Spouse Time Alone

      If your mate doesn't want to be with you all the time, it doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you. People need to be alone for various reasons. Sometimes they want to read, to think about their problems, or just to relax. Don't make them feel that they are committing a sin.

      Admit Your Mistakes

      When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.

      Physical Relationship is Important

      Be available to your mate sexually, and don't let your sexual relationship be characterized by selfishness. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was reported to have said: 'It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand."

      Have Meals Together

      Try to eat together as a family when possible. Show the cook and the dishwasher, whether it is the husband or the wife, appreciation for his or her efforts. The Prophet (SAWS) did not complain about food that was put before him.


      Be Mindful of Your discussion Topics

      Never discuss with others things about your marriage that your spouse wouldn't like you to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their mate's physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.

      Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we would never treat others. With others, we try to be polite, kind, and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our worst times --- when we are tired and frustrated after a hard day. After a bad day at the office, husbands usually come home angry and on edge. The wife has probably also had a hard day with the children and the housework. Wives and husbands should discuss this potential time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with each other during these times, they will understand the reasons rather than automatically thinking that their spouse no longer loves them.

      Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance for success. If you discard this rule, failure is just around the corner.

      By Ibrahim Bowers
      Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net
      "Lets not dwell into matters which have already been dealt with 1400 years ago. Go read for yourself, and understand it yourself." Sh. Hamza Yusuf

    2. #2
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      How to make your wife happy
      by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.


      1. Beautiful Reception
      After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
      * begin with a good greeting.
      * Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
      * Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

      2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
      • Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
      • Give her your attention when she speaks.
      • Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
      • Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
      3. Friendliness and Recreation
      • Spend time talking together.
      • Spread to her goods news.
      • Remember your good memories together.
      4. Games and Distractions
      • Joking around & having a sense of humor.
      • Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
      • Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
      5. Assistance in the Household
      • Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,especially if she is sick or tired.
      • The most important thing is making it obvious that the husband appreciates her hard work.
      6. Consultation (Shurah)
      • Specifically in family matters.
      • Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
      • Studying her opinion carefully.
      • Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
      • Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
      7. Visiting Others
      • Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
      • Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
      • Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
      8. Conduct During Travel
      • Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
      • Ask her to pray for him.
      • Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
      • Give her enough money for what she might need.
      • Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
      • Return as soon as possible.
      • Bring her a gift!
      • Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
      • Take her with you if possible.
      9. Financial Support
      • The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
      • He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadith).
      • He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

      10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
      • Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
      • Always being clean and neat.
      • Put on perfume(itr): a sunnah.
      11. Intercourse
      • It is obligatory to fulfill her sexual needs if you have no excuse (sickness,etc.)
      • Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
      • Begin with foreplay including words of love.
      • Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
      • Relax and joke around afterwards.
      • Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram.
      • Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while the man is looking on.
      • Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
      • Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
      12. Guarding Privacy
      Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

      13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
      • Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'a).
      • Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and Hadith.
      • Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam)) in the morning and evening.
      • Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity etc.
      • Take her for Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
      14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
      • Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
      • Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
      • Give them presents on special occasions.
      • Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
      • Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
      • Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
      15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition
      This includes:
      * The basics of Islam
      * Her duties and rights
      * Reading and writing
      * Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
      * Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
      * Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

      16. Admirable Jealousy
      • Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
      • Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
      • Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
      1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean.
      2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
      3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
      4- etc.

      17. Patience and Mildness
      • Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
      • Anger(rather disapproval) should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah Ta'ala, by delaying prayers, backbiting, etc..
      • Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
      • How can you best correct her mistakes?
      1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
      2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
      3- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) never beat a woman or a servant.

      18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
      • Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
      • Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
      • Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
      • Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
      • Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) never blamed any of his wives for this. If he liked the food, he ate and if he did not; he did not comment.
      • Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations.
      • Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
      • When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
      • Waiting until your anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
      Author: Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed
      Translator: brother Abu Talhah.
      Reviewer: brother Adam Qurashi.
      Prepared by: Muslim Students' Association,University of Alberta,Edmonton, Canada.
      Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net
      girl on ice and pinkyy like this.
      "Lets not dwell into matters which have already been dealt with 1400 years ago. Go read for yourself, and understand it yourself." Sh. Hamza Yusuf

    3. #3
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      How to make your Husband happy
      by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

      1- Beautiful Reception
      • After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,begin with a good greeting.
      • Meet him with a cheerful face.
      • Beautify and perfume yourself.
      • Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
      • Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
      • Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

      2- Beautify and Soften the Voice
      For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).

      3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
      • Taking good care of your body and fitness.
      • Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes to please your husband.
      • Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
      • Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
      • Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
      • Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
      • Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
      • However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

      4- Intercourse
      • Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
      • Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
      • Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
      • Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

      5- Satisfaction With What Allah Ta'ala has Allotted
      • You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
      • You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah Ta'ala for all that was given to you.
      • You should remember that real wealth lies in Iman and piety.

      6- Indifference to Worldly Things
      • You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
      • You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
      • Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah Ta'ala gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah) with moderation.
      • Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

      7- Appreciation
      • By the saying of the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
      • The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways.
      • The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?

      8- Devotion and Loyalty
      • Be devoted and loyal to him, particularly in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy.
      • Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

      9- Compliance to him
      In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
      In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.


      10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
      First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
      But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
      1- If you mistaken, then apologise.
      2- If he mistaken then:
      # Keep still instead of arguing or
      # Yield your right or
      # Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
      3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
      # Keeping silent untill his anger goes
      # Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him
      # Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,e.g.
      1) You should tell me what happened?
      2) I must know what made you so angry.
      3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know

      11-Guardianship While He is Absent
      • Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
      • Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.
      • Take care of the house and children.
      • Take care of his money and properties.
      • Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab.
      • Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
      • Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
      • Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.

      12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
      • You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
      • You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
      • You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife.
      • Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to it in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
      • Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
      • Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc..

      13- Admirable Jealousy
      • Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc..
      • You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

      14-Patience and Emotional Support
      • Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
      • When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
      • When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
      • When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

      15- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
      • Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
      • Encourage him to pray at night.
      • Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
      • Listen to Islamic tapes and nasheeds individually and with your husband.
      • Remember Allah Ta'ala much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
      • Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
      • Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
      • Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
      • Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
      • Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah Ta'alaSWT.

      16-Good Housekeeping
      • Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
      • Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
      • Prepare good , wholesome,healthy meals.
      • Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing etc.
      • Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way. Read authentic books or consult experienced people in this light.

      17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
      • Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
      • Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
      • Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions of the Prophet(sallallhu alaiyhi wassallam).

      Author: Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed
      Translator: brother Abu Talhah.
      Reviewer: brother Adam Qurashi.
      Prepared by: Muslim Students' Association,University of Alberta,Edmonton, Canada.
      Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net
      pinkyy likes this.
      "Lets not dwell into matters which have already been dealt with 1400 years ago. Go read for yourself, and understand it yourself." Sh. Hamza Yusuf

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      AnGeL EyEs's Avatar
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      JazakAllah ...nice read.

      just as a sidenote:

      I once heard an imam say..."a family that prays together, stays together"


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      JazakAllah Khair bro.

      An awesome share. May Allah (SWT) bless you and your family for sharing the good with all of us.
      "In my heart are my Garden and Paradise, wherever I travel, they go with me, and they never leave me." Ibn Taimiyyah

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      for sharing
      Last edited by pinks; Feb 20th, 2008 at 01:38 AM.

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      Beautiful...thank you so much.
      Don't be hurtin' and hatin' cuz my phone is so cool!

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      nice compilation

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      Can I email to whom i know
      Never explain urself to any1 The person who likes u doesn't need it &The person who dislike u won't believe it

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      Nice sharing
      Everyone knows "Jaws" was Chuck Norris's Goldfish, but not many folk know that "Godzilla" was Faris Udeen's pet Iguana.

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      JazakumuAllah khair, and Mashallah, this is great sharing .... in today world we need islamic knowledge like this, to know and apply on our daily liveds then we will feel that how beautiful is life if we spend it according to islam anD SUNNAH..

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      live life,that's what we're here for....

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      very nice!

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      Quote Originally Posted by Sussana View Post
      JazakumuAllah khair, and Mashallah, this is great sharing .... in today world we need islamic knowledge like this, to know and apply on our daily liveds then we will feel that how beautiful is life if we spend it according to islam anD SUNNAH..
      Just to add my two bits ...

      Islamic knowledge is no doubt a part and parcel of good life. But please carefully read the first post again and again and again ... after few days and then again. Not for gaining any sawab but for learning about missing links.

      I find it very realistic analysis of married folks and their behavior. Hats of to the writer for this effort

      Just look at this part for example ( all other parts are equally important )


      Show Appreciation

      Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family. Never make your husband feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was reported to have said: 'On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband." (where is this hadith found) Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don't take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated.
      Now accept it or not both life partners are some time or most of the time guilty of this behavior.

      I am a married guy, I analysed and I concur that I am guilty. Not always but surely sometimes I take it for granted which is a mistake. I need to rectify myself.

      Same thing is present at feline home department. All of us can do self assessment and figure out our weakness and strengths.

      And don't consider it religious lecture or writing because it is very much applicable to all spheres of life around the world.

      see this visual description and enjoy !

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipN9_mJKt4c

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