kashmirigirl

Sorry this is a bit long.

The Prophet said, what translated means" This life is a joy and its best joy is a good wife." [Muslim], also, "A women is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her (adherence to) religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win." [Bukbari & Muslim] and, "Four are causes of happiness,: A good wife, a big house, a good neighbor and a good way of transportation. "[Al-Hakim].
The above Hadiths emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life. Following are some of the characteristics of a good wife:
1. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband's property, etc). [4:34]. Ibn Katheer said, "Ibn Abbas said, 'The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, "Imam Suddi said, 'They (good wives) protect their husbands' honor and money in their absence."'
2. Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet said, what translated means, "If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.
3. -- The Prophet said, what translated means, "Your women who will enter Paradise are those nice to their husbands, who bear children, and those who keep checking the needs of their husbands. If her husband gets angry with her, she would hold his hand and say : "By Allah, I will not sleep until you forgive me" [as-Silsilah as-Sahiha]
4. -an-Nasa'i narrated that the Prophet was asked, "Who are the best of women?" HE said, "The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes."


From the above Hadiths, we can sum up the characterisitcs of a good wife:

1--She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger.
2--She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
3--She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
4--She protects her husband's money and honor in his absence.
5--She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
6--She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
7--She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
8--She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.

Advice for Women

Following is an advice to every Muslim woman that contains matters to avoid in order to have a good marriage.

1 -- Avoid angering your husband. The Prophet mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayer are, "A wife who goes to sleep while her husband is angry with her." [At-Tirmithi].
2 -- Avoid harming your husband in any way, "If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: 'Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.' [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi].
3 -- Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, "Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her." [An-Nasaii].
4 - Do not ask your husband for divorce for no reason. The Prophet warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith, "Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii].
5 -- Do not obey your husband if he asks you to do prohibited matters, "Do not disobey the Creator to obey any human."[Ahmad & Al-Hakim].
6 -- Avoid voluntary fasting without your husband's permission, unless he is absent, "A woman does (must) not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadhan." [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. This Hadith emphasizes the importance of the wife satisfying her husbands sexual needs. If the husband agrees, then the wife can do volunteer fasting, satisfied that she fulfilled her obligation towards ber husband.
7 -- It is a major sin to deny your husband sexual pleasure. The Prophet said, what translated means, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angles will curse her till the morning." [Muslim]. Muslim men have no other means to satisfy them but through Their wives. Therefore, the very essence of marriage will be destroyed if men are denied this right by their wives.
8 - It is a major sin for husbands and wives to tell others what they do in bed. The Prophet described the ones who do that as, "A devil who meets a fe ale devil and has intercourse with her in public" [Ahmad].
9 -- The Prophet ordered every Muslim woman not to let anyone into their houses, "Unless he (her husband) gives her
permission." [Al-Bukhari].
10 -- Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah said, what translated means, "And stay in your houses" [33:33].

A Final Word

The Prophet said, what translated means "All of my nation (Ummah) will enter Paradise except those who refuse." When he was asked to identify those who refuse, he said, "Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will (be the one who) refuse." [Al-Bukhari]. A good, righteous Muslim woman seeks the pleasure of Allah more than anything else. She tries her best to acquire the qualities of a good wife, found in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger. Total obedience to Allah and adherence to the Sunnah of His Messenger, is the most important of those qualities.
Allah has decreed that the husband is the head of the Muslim family, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means." [4:34].

Ibn Katheer said, "The man is the woman's protector, supervisor and head of the family". To emphasize this even more, the Prophet said, what translated means, "If I were to order anyone to bow down (make Sujood) to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One Who owns the soul of Mohammad, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah." [Ahmad].
Ibn Taimiyah said in AI-Fatawa, "The righteous woman is the one who consistently obeys her husband. Her obligation to her husband come second only after her obligation to Allah."
Therefore, every Muslim woman should seek to attain, in herself, the qualities of a good wife, by obeying Allah and His Prophet, a path that will lead to entering paradise. Also, if Muslim wives implement these qualities, then their marriage will be full of happiness. The best of advice to every Muslim woman is to avoid the ways of the Kuffar. The Kuffar do not build their families on religion, but on their desires. They ignore the basic differences between men and women and treat them as equals in every regard. In Islam, men and women have different roles. More duties are assigned to men, while woman have more influence in the way their children are raised. A Muslim woman spends much more time with the children than her husband does. If families are not built on the way that Allah ordained, then misery, and later, divorce, will be the result.
Allah will bless such a marriage where both the husband and the wife obey Him and fulfill their obligations towards each other. He said, what translated means, "It is not for a believer man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decivion. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a lain error!" [33:36].
Khadeejah, the wife of the Prophet, ranked high among the Muslim women of all time, This was a result of her unwavering support of her best of husbands. She believed in him, offered him emotional and financial support, and reassured him in times of worry. Allah has granted her Paradise for this crucial role she played in the life of the Prophet, and hence, in the life of every Muslim. The Prophet treasured her memory and kept relations with her friends long after her death. Allah has granted her the position of being the mother of all the decedents of the Prophet of Allah. All Muslim women should benefit from the example of Khadeejah, that they may reach her status among the righteous women in Paradise.

Mr Xtreme

This made me very happy. What more can I say?

[This message has been edited by Mr Xtreme (edited April 24, 1999).]

Asif

Dear Kashmiri girl ji,

Assalamu alaykum

aik bahut hi acchee post thi--agar har musulmaan larki aap jaisee hoti to yeh duniya aaj kuchh aur hi hoti.

masha Allah

btw, a brilliant book for you to read about marriage is 'kitaab aadaab al nikaah' by Hazrat HUjjat ul Islam Imam al GHazali QUDS sirruhu. It is translated into english as The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam by Muhtar Holland and is published by al-Baz publications. A great book!

wa salaam

Asif

kashmirigirl

I knew most guys would go for it. Darn it...why don't some of the other girls come here?

Though i think there are some really good points in what i posted above... don't think i'm planning to make sujood to anyone other than Allah (SWT).

Plus in all honesty....if anyone is that submissive with their husband. .he'd walk all over her.

Roman

It seems to me that the emphasis here is on advicing women, it does not tell the man's side of duties. This is how it should read, in my personal opinion:


1--She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger.
So is he

2--She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
So does he

3--She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
Vice versa

4--She protects her husband's money and honor in his absence.
Vice versa

5--She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
definitely a duty of both, why mention woman alone?

6--She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
So is true for him

7--She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
He in return is obliged to her and makes an extra effort to please her

8--She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.
The husband uses deodorant as well



[This message has been edited by Roman (edited April 27, 1999).]

msaqibj

Thanks Roman:
This is a very good input. I think you also missed the thread "Keeping your wife happy: Islamic" wayswritten by Mohammed Ali, did not you?

Roman

Yep, I missed it... religion is not really my thing... I just come here once in while and see if there is anything of my interest is going on. This perceived one sided directive for women has always irritated me, and I can't stop myself from speaking on it if I get a chance.

kashmirigirl

THank you Roman...exactly what i was looking for.

Nova

So what is the difference between a wife and a concubine....
Is wife a concubine to have sex with and have kids with?
KG, I didnt read the complete post ..its too long
But I , for myself,want a woman to love and to share my life with HERs( Meaning she has a life too other than me) if the essence of what you wrote above is similar , than it would work for me , otherwise .....

John

Kashmirigirl

Wow! Thanks for that. it was very interesting. May i ask you a question, if you don't mind? But you don't have to answer, if you do not wish to. Do you have the same characteristics as described above?

Roman

No offense mate, but i think i could even tell that there are two sides to this topic. However, the title of the topic restricts, venturing into other areas of discussion. the thread that msaqibj mentioned is also very interesting.

bye

kashmirigirl

John….
I don’t think characteristics of being a good wife are so cut and dry. I thinik it is an indiviudal thing and depends upon the relationshiop you and your husband have. I think a lot of men would not appreciate the kind of wife discribed above..simply because she is such a doormat. Or the type of man that i'd like wouldn't. But I may be wrong.

I’ll have my husband let you know about my qualities…whenever I find a guy who will be a good husband (for me ) and do get married.


[This message has been edited by kashmirigirl (edited May 01, 1999).]