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Jul 24th, 2008, 07:53 AM
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#1 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 13, 2007 - 5:38 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 8,375
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Aik Nazm,
Meray Hum'nasheen, Meray Hum'safar
Nahin Tum Se Koi Gila Magar
Do Mera Thora Sa Sath Tum
Chalo Meray Hath Ko Thaam Ker
Rahay Tum Se Duur Jo Aik pal
Meray Dil Main Itna Kahaan Sabar
Meri Baat Kion Nahi Maan'tay
Kion Mujh Pe Kertay Ho Tum Jabar
Meray Hum'nasheen, Meray Hum'safar
Abb Khush Ho Na Mujhe Maar Ker
(Ahmer)
Umeed Hai Aap Logon Ko Pasand Aye Gi..
Regards,
Main Pal Do Pal Ka Shayer Hoon Pal Do Pal Meri Kahani Hai..
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Jul 25th, 2008, 01:03 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 1, 2007 - 3:39 am
Location: Earth - Universe
Posts: 3,298
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nice try Ahmer. although i dont know any thing about wazans and all but its good 
******
Ye yaad tha ke duwa karooN par utthey rahey merey haath yuN
jesey khaahishoN ke hajoom meiN kaheeN kho gai teri aarzu
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Jul 25th, 2008, 09:33 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 4, 2007 - 4:24 pm
Posts: 1,467
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheal
nice try Ahmer. although i dont know any thing about wazans and all but its good |
 gud one
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Jul 25th, 2008, 09:33 AM
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#4 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 4, 2007 - 4:24 pm
Posts: 1,467
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appreciable effort janab
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Jul 25th, 2008, 09:33 AM
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#5 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Jan 15, 2002 - 1:00 am
Posts: 362
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^ kafi wazni hia SHeal nad redo bohat khob try keep it up 
I Love walking In raiN because Nobody can see me Crying !!
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Jul 25th, 2008, 02:07 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 18, 2006 - 4:26 am
Location: Like Angel in the air....!
Posts: 920
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nice one RI.....achi sharing hy...
The world's a bubble and the life of man Less than a span...!
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Jul 27th, 2008, 09:12 AM
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#7 (permalink)
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Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 25, 2007 - 11:23 am
Location: Dubai-UAE
Posts: 34
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thanx for sharin
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Jul 29th, 2008, 01:33 AM
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#8 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 13, 2007 - 5:38 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 8,375
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aab sab ka buhat shukria
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Jul 29th, 2008, 03:25 AM
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#9 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Oct 15, 2004 - 6:36 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 105
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Ahmer Sahib!
achhi ghazal hay... paRh ker lutf aaya... ! Ghazal puri behar maiN hi hay bas zara doosray she'r ka pehla misra aur chothay she'r ka doosra misra zara si tavajja chahta hay... aap dekh lijay ga... umeed hay aap meri baat ko meHsoos naheeN keraiN gay....
daad haazir-e-khidmat hay... qabool kijay....
Muhammad Ahmed.
Raat yon dil main teri khoi hui yaad aai
Jesay veeranay main chupke se bahar aajaay
Jesay sehraaon main holay se chalay baad e naseem
Jesay dewanay ko be waja qarar aa jaay
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Jul 29th, 2008, 05:06 AM
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#10 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 13, 2007 - 5:38 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 8,375
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thanks alot Ahmed jee.. n aap theek keh rahay hain.. mujhe bhi problem lagti hai 2nd sher k pehle misray main.. aap kuch suggest kejay.. meray to zehen main kuch nahi araha 
buhat buhat shukria pazeerai ka 
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Jul 29th, 2008, 05:42 AM
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#11 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Oct 15, 2004 - 6:36 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 105
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Ahmer,
duusray she'r kay pehlay misray kay liay maiN ye 3 misray tajveez ker raha hooN jo aap ko Theek lagay apna lijay ga... aur apnay hisaab say Theek bhi ker lijay ga.
"mera saath do kisi roz tum"
ya
"ghaRi do ghaRi mera saath do"
ya phir
"mera saath do kabhi chaar pal"
aik baat aur bhi kahooN ga kay choThay she'r maiN aap nay lafz "jabar" baandha hay jis ka saHeeH talaffuz "jabr" jis say wazn kharaab honay ka ahtemaal hay.... aap is misray ko bhi apnay hisaab say change ker lijay ga..
umeed hay aap in tamaam batoN ko meHsoos naheeN keraiN gay, maiN sirf tajaaveez day raha hooN warna mera ilm aur tajarba bhi bohat hi meHdood hay aur maiN khud bhi abhi seekhnay kay amal ka hi hissa hooN...
Allah aap ko shaad rakhay (aameen).
Mukhlis,
Muhammad Ahmed.
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Jul 29th, 2008, 07:13 AM
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#12 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 24, 2006 - 6:32 am
Posts: 3,444
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nice one
You can not change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.
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Jul 29th, 2008, 02:09 PM
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#13 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 22, 2008 - 10:47 am
Location: at home
Posts: 1,153
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waah ahmar...achhi koshish hy...aek sher yaad aaya...
,,mery hamsafar mery ham nashin ye duaa hy koi gila nhi..
tujhy is jahaan men wo sukh mily,ju mujhy kabhi bhi milaa nhi,,
thanks
suoz-e-firaaq,yaas-o-alam,iztraab-o-shuoq kis,kis k meny naaz othaay tamaam raat
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Jul 30th, 2008, 02:54 AM
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#14 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 13, 2007 - 5:38 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 8,375
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@ ahmed.. ghari do ghari wala mujhe buhat acha laga.. i will keep it
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Aug 3rd, 2008, 01:13 PM
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#15 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: May 17, 2007 - 9:10 am
Posts: 201
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buhat khoob..............zabardast..perh kar maza aaya...........keep writting and keep sharing..thanks
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Aug 9th, 2008, 12:58 AM
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#16 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 13, 2007 - 5:38 am
Location: Karachi
Posts: 8,375
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thank you fiza
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