somegroovychick

ladies, i need help!
from the larka wala's side specifically, what exactly is the process of formally proposing to the girl? who does it? what do you say? and also what does a baat pakki involve- i.e. in terms of formalities, gifts, and rasams (if any)?

thanks a bunch!

*Plusha*

usually wat happens in my khandan is tht the ladies of larka wala come n c the gurl...there a casual conversation involved...n den the serious issues starts...then the larkay wala comes with the elders n all n ask the rishta n decides tht wen will be the baat pakki ceremony or the mangni thing...how many guests will be invited n all...on the baat pakki wala day larkay wala brings mithai k tokray...fruits k tokray n loads of flowers garland n evrything for the gurl n usually they make sure the dress n jewellery shoes n stuff iz sent to the gurl beforehand so tht she can get ready for the day...
rasams differ from khandan to khandan...in ours there iz just mithai khilanay wale rasam n ppl usually keep cash in gurls hand...or give sum special gift...well u can do whteva u want..there iz no hard or fast rule...well thts it!!

chanda_kh

The parents usually begin by saying, 'ji bachon ki khushi se barh kar kuch nahin.... '
larke wale invite the girls side or they invite you..whichever way you are comfortable with....and they express their love and khushi....showering the girl and the guy...with achi achi batein... ..like 'bohat khushi ki baat hai...etc etc.....' or you dont have to be too formal....

the guys's mom puts karey on the girl....which I think is the most appropriate piece of jewelery for the baat paki time...lol
you can give a nice suit to the larki's mother or if you want even a small gold gift....not too overwhelming...and not too distant....
you can also take mithai...cake...cupcakes...

Sahar02

In our family, the parents had already talked to each other, but the oldest male relative (his mamoon) wrote a formal letter of proposal in urdu.

XChorniX

^lol really? wow, n we have it so ghetto

Sahar02

^ I cannot read and can barely understand it -- it's in really formal Urdu.

Ira

I would think that teh parents and siblings can go and meet the girl's family and ofcourse they should be told in advance why you would be going. Once there, the mother can start by saying how much they like the girl to be proposed to etc etc. And talk about their son, what he does and what not. Mostly mothers do some tareefain and what not, ,lol. If the girl's side are ready to answer than may be there will be a baat pakki rasam right than and there. If they say we would like some time to think about it, then you wait for their answer and do things accordingly.

I know in my case and my sister's, our inlaws were abroad so baat pakki was done on the phone with them, when both parties were satisfied. No formal rasam was done like they show in the movies. My SIL just got engaged in Pak and her inlaws got her a nice package with a suit, matching choorian, perfume etc. Ofcourse mithai/cake is always necessary.

Your President

^ what she said

For my baat pakki, they came over and brought me a dress and small gifts and small gifts for my mom, my bhaabi, my naani and my niece. Then put a gold karrah on me and tada!
lol
PS: Since its going to be a love marriage, my fiance and I had already decided and we had told our families so they just got together for the formality.

Now Inshallah shaadi is dec/jan

sweetNsour

^ haha, exact same thing happened with me - it was just a formality for the parents to meet, but they got gifts for me and my family.

somegroovychick

ok so thats good-- this is for my bro. him and his g/f have already told the folks they would like to get hitched. we went and formally met her family for the first time last week. so i was just wondering what the next step would be. i guess they would be invited to ours, and mom and dad would ask for her hand in marriage in front of everyone, right, including the couple? and then her mom would either say yes there, or she'll be i'll think about it, etc?
and then whenever she agrees, then we'd do the suit, karey, mithai, flowers thing, yes?

sahar, thats a really sweet thing for his mamoon to have done!

Lusi

I think they should ask that when they are at the girl's home and not when the girl and her family are at your place. So basically invite them at your place and then tell them you will soon come formally with meethai or something like that....lol

I mean that is how they do in movies...lol...

ghazal kisi ke

oh I have seen that type of letter! Its pretty neat!

saieen

Dang..uhm... well we had our "baat pakki" over the phone, actually, two years ago this week Our families formally met each other in August, it was me and my parents and my uncle and his parents + bhabhis + brothers.. my MIL gave me a suit and a ring, and my parents gave him cash and a ring. That was pretty much it. Two days later, we had a more "formal" engagement, basically they put a duputta on me and everyone fed us mithai and we put rings (the same ones from baat pakkis) on each other. it was all for pics, but it was fun

(Sara)

cutiepie8

I have also seen this done in Pakistan. Sometimes they have a formal occasion for it where the elders from both sides get together and that letter is formally presented.

Your President

^ Damn. I have never even remotely heard of this letter business. Sounds awfully cool though.

Sahar02

We've put the letters in the mangni album. I think it's at my parents' place. If I get them I'll post them.

Jias

In my case our engagement done in 2 weeks, his parents came at our place and asked that they like to engage his son with me and they want engagement is done in a week bcoz he is going back to US, my parents (after satisfaction) accept the proposal and give them date of engagement, so my engagement is my Baat pakki hona. They brought my dress, jewelery, shoes, bangles, perfume, mithai and flower garlands etc on engagement day.

Sahar02

Yah, that's the thing. The actual baat paki was just a small conversation between parents. The more formal stuff (like the letter) happened later, at the mangni. That's when my MIL gave me a suit and I got my ring (the box of which was made by my BIL).

ariana

my fiance and I already knew each other, like the lurve shurve thing, his mum phoned my mum, they came over, then they invited my family over to theirs. A few days later his mum phoned and she had a chat with my mum - who then had a chat with my dad who then had a chat with me to make sure I was sure and happy to proceed and the mangni was arranged. Kinda long winded seeing as I was already sure about him and vice versa but it was a formality to keep our families happy and involved in the whole process.

The baat paki thing occured between between our parents and was rather informal and the mangni/engagement thing was more semi formal - close family and friends attended. They gave me a suit - sandals and chooriyan for the engagement and I got a beautiful engagement ring (which my fiance had chosen) put on my finger during the mangni ceremony.

somegroovychick

^ that sounds lovely!