After the Wedding... - Page 3

^pyari^sii^bachi^ · Jul 24th, 2008, 04:24 PM

Back to earth would be when I moved away from Toronto to another City. Cooking, cleaning, taking caring of things..but I don't find it at all that bad at all..sometimes he cleans...and if I am doing the laundry, i do his..and if he's doing the laudry, he does mine...
I wouldn't call doing all these things being back to earth though..it's just a part of life...

lublyjubly · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:17 PM

6 months going strong doing no housework or cooking or cleaning, i work full time, incl weekends and nights sometimes, so really am not going to be doing chores in my spare time!!!!

MIL does most things but reluctantly and is obviously getting pissed with me being a bad wife...ironed his shirt once, did such a bad job, he asked me never to iron a shirt again.

we will be doing this cooking cleaning stuff for the rest of our lives, so if you are able and circumstances allow, chill for as long as poss... when the kids come along, you'll wish you had!

somegroovychick · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:27 PM

^ yeah and your career is really demanding too!

lahorikudi · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lublyjubly

6 months going strong doing no housework or cooking or cleaning, i work full time, incl weekends and nights sometimes, so really am not going to be doing chores in my spare time!!!!

MIL does most things but reluctantly and is obviously getting pissed with me being a bad wife...ironed his shirt once, did such a bad job, he asked me never to iron a shirt again.

we will be doing this cooking cleaning stuff for the rest of our lives, so if you are able and circumstances allow, chill for as long as poss... when the kids come along, you'll wish you had!

oh...what do you do for a living?

I'm just curious cuz the parentals aren't too happy that I'm still stuck on becoming a doctor. They bring up the fact that I'm gonna be a bad wife becuase I'm just gonna be obsessed with my career.

RupayHalwa · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:50 PM

Well, a few comments from me:

I think that if the DIL lives with MIL, then DIL should do stuff for herself, not let MIL do it all. Of course we must all unite in ensuring that MIL CONTINUES to do the bulk of the work, else she may get too used to DIL being a slave, and we cannot misguide the old trouts into believing that.

I would get seriously annoyed if my mum cooked and cleaned after my sister in law if there was no reason why she couldnt do it herself. However, i dont believe that DILS should live with MILS so it the question doesnt arise here.

Totally different, its funny when americans mention laundry.

RupayHalwa · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lahorikudi

oh...what do you do for a living?

I'm just curious cuz the parentals aren't too happy that I'm still stuck on becoming a doctor. They bring up the fact that I'm gonna be a bad wife becuase I'm just gonna be obsessed with my career.

How strange, parents of pakistani origin saying that. B OBSESSED WITH YOUR CAREER, the rest of the worlds doctors didnt become bad spouses bcos of it. I think Pakistani society expects too much from wives. have u ever heard of a man being told not to b a doctor cos he#ll b a bad husband?

RupayHalwa · Jul 24th, 2008, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiamisweetheartX

wow four years and she still doesnt do anything mashallah i wish my sas would spoil me like tht im getting married next year but even now when i go to my sas house i wash dishes and pick up the table and clean up my fiances room....i wonder whts gonna happen later and keep in mind i do go to school so how am i going to manage everything!!!!
i get sooo scared sometimes
and to top it off my fiance lives with my mil and fil so let see inshallah it wount be tht bad

You have made the first mistake! U have started doing all the menial tasks already, so when u do get married they'll expect u to continue with gusto, then your life will turn to drudgery. U must stop "helping out" right now and do less when u marry.

lublyjubly · Jul 25th, 2008, 06:42 PM

lahorikudi, your parents may well be right in their assupmtion! being a doctor and a wife is laaaame!!! it's v. hard, balancing work and home life, but with practice lot of girls do it very well, i've only just got married but i'm sure the balance will become more attainable with time.

There are many demanding jobs, but i guess you have to prioritise what you want in life!!!

right now, i am exhausted by the time i get home, which is always late and sleeping is the only thing on my mind, not any chores!!! i ahve a very supportive husband, who is great and doesn't expect me to do anything...yet!

i also agree that DIL shouldn't live with MIL, but what can you do if it is literally forced on you. if they don't like how you are, then it's their prob for insisting you live with them!!!

if you really want to medicine, don't let the prospect of being a 'bad wife' put you off!

aiklarkithe · Jul 26th, 2008, 01:03 AM

after my wedding, i stayed about a month with my inlaws, they didnt let me do anything.

but 1 and half year later when i went to pak to visit them, i had to cook for lunch and dinner, do dishes and my MIL expected me to do ironing as well, not just mine but whole familys.
i used to scrub their dirty kitchen till my hand were sore.
i hated dirty kitchen and they was full of evey possible junk piece, old dishes, broken glass and dishes.
my 3 SIL used to order food and go to their room or just join us at dinning table.

and i rarely cooked at my parents house and i was in kitchen for a while, my dad used to help me ineverything and even cooked on my behalf.

soni27 · Jul 26th, 2008, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aiklarkithe

after my wedding, i stayed about a month with my inlaws, they didnt let me do anything.

but 1 and half year later when i went to pak to visit them, i had to cook for lunch and dinner, do dishes and my MIL expected me to do ironing as well, not just mine but whole familys.
i used to scrub their dirty kitchen till my hand were sore.
i hated dirty kitchen and they was full of evey possible junk piece, old dishes, broken glass and dishes.
my 3 SIL used to order food and go to their room or just join us at dinning table.

and i rarely cooked at my parents house and i was in kitchen for a while, my dad used to help me ineverything and even cooked on my behalf.

WTH??..i thought u said u were finding a rishta in AV?..r u joking about this post or were u joking when u said u couldnt find a rishta in australia and that u needed help?.. confusingggg!...

prototype · Jul 26th, 2008, 05:26 AM

i started one week fter my wedding..in-laws stay in another city..i and hubby live alone here..but whenever i go to them or they visit us, MIL takes care of everything.

RupayHalwa · Jul 26th, 2008, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aiklarkithe

after my wedding, i stayed about a month with my inlaws, they didnt let me do anything.

but 1 and half year later when i went to pak to visit them, i had to cook for lunch and dinner, do dishes and my MIL expected me to do ironing as well, not just mine but whole familys.
i used to scrub their dirty kitchen till my hand were sore.
i hated dirty kitchen and they was full of evey possible junk piece, old dishes, broken glass and dishes.
my 3 SIL used to order food and go to their room or just join us at dinning table.

and i rarely cooked at my parents house and i was in kitchen for a while, my dad used to help me ineverything and even cooked on my behalf.

But u were there by choice? How can they make u do it when the other 3 were doing nothing. Next time u should refuse outright. Say why whould i do it when the others arent doing it... Or just cook for yourself. They cant make u iron for the whole family, just do your own.

Rabia121 · Jul 26th, 2008, 07:29 AM

I think I've got it good..my fiancee is frm back hme and so after we're married he'll move to the UK..so I wont have any in laws to do my head in..I love them to bits but only for short periods at a time!
He has a small fam nyway so wouldn't have been so bad..but all you guys complaining about having a MIL tht makes u work..I envy you... My MIL passed away In Jan this year and it makes me so sad to think I'll never have a MIL thats gona tell everyone about her choti bahu ( and hw great I am) or to argue with her..But Khair I hope Allah gives her a place in Jannat
I have an amazing FIL to make up for it.
After marriage although I'm going to be working full time for a while Ill change to part time after a little while and spend quality time looking after my hubby.
I cant wait to do that wifey stuf flike making his chai in the morning and ironing his clothes..as long as he continues to appreciate it, when he starts taking it for granted ill stop doin it!

RupayHalwa · Jul 26th, 2008, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rabia121

I cant wait to do that wifey stuf flike making his chai in the morning and ironing his clothes..as long as he continues to appreciate it, when he starts taking it for granted ill stop doin it!

Ooooh, but dont u know, once u start, u just can't stop! Really and truly, by the time he takes is for granted (and trust me, he will!) u will have started a pattern and then it would seem wrong if u stopped it! But really, if u r happy doing it then all the best to u. Im sure u will both b very happy, Inshallah.

soni27 · Jul 27th, 2008, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rabia121

I think I've got it good..my fiancee is frm back hme and so after we're married he'll move to the UK..so I wont have any in laws to do my head in..I love them to bits but only for short periods at a time!
He has a small fam nyway so wouldn't have been so bad..but all you guys complaining about having a MIL tht makes u work..I envy you... My MIL passed away In Jan this year and it makes me so sad to think I'll never have a MIL thats gona tell everyone about her choti bahu ( and hw great I am) or to argue with her..But Khair I hope Allah gives her a place in Jannat
I have an amazing FIL to make up for it.
After marriage although I'm going to be working full time for a while Ill change to part time after a little while and spend quality time looking after my hubby.
I cant wait to do that wifey stuf flike making his chai in the morning and ironing his clothes..as long as he continues to appreciate it, when he starts taking it for granted ill stop doin it!

lol!..

..

aiklarkithe · Jul 27th, 2008, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soni27

WTH??..i thought u said u were finding a rishta in AV?..r u joking about this post or were u joking when u said u couldnt find a rishta in australia and that u needed help?.. confusingggg!...

well i didnt said i needed help just wanted to know how people find rishtas. i seriously dont know. i am married but are looking for my cousin.

aiklarkithe · Jul 27th, 2008, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RupayHalwa

But u were there by choice? How can they make u do it when the other 3 were doing nothing. Next time u should refuse outright. Say why whould i do it when the others arent doing it... Or just cook for yourself. They cant make u iron for the whole family, just do your own.

well i went there as i had to visit them, as they are my inlaws. they wanted me to stay with them at least for a year but i had it enough, after 3 months.

i couldnt say no to them, even when i really wanted to. also in laws dont see that their daughters are not doing anything. when i would leave not wanted to do anything, they would ask me to do, then i had to do.
its complicated to live with in laws, especially when in front of relatives they would love you so much, and in the back they would hate you so much.

and they were telling relatives that i was sleeping whole day and usuallywake up 1pm and ask them for breakfast. infact i used to getup 9am, as my hubby wasnt there, i used to sleep at 10pm and rarely had breakfast!

NJMasti · Jul 29th, 2008, 03:44 PM

I don't think I ever went on cloud nine - so there waz no issue about coming/climbing down hahah

For me: After the wedding waz honeymoon and then in 2 days it was pack up time to return back to the great US of A

so have not see the real live with in-laws deal!

CHEEKYGIRL · Oct 4th, 2008, 01:22 PM

hi everyone thought I should share my experiences with you having read yours. I have been married for 10 years now but every time I go to Pakistan my MIL never lets me lift a finger. I have 6 SIL who come to stay and do everything. I wake up when I want and go to sleep when I want they will even put the towel in the bathroom and turn the shower on when I want a bath.

OH yeah I am their one and only BHABI

even down here my hubby does every thing like the laundry, cleaning, dusting, putting the washing out to dry, cooking on the weekends. I do the ironing once a week, washing the dishes and cooking during the week.

also when my hubby was in pakistan he NEVER lifted a finger as he was proper spoiled by his mum and sisters being the only boy.

Gemini the Great · Oct 4th, 2008, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHEEKYGIRL

they will even put the towel in the bathroom and turn the shower on when I want a bath.

.

LOL now that's cheeky

As far as the question is concerned, for me it was 4 days after valima once hubby and I moved out to our place, however, my FIL used to visit us and help me out in cooking and cleaning while husband was at work.. for some reasons, all guys at my inlaws are very domesticated except my husband!!!