what would you do?

pkgrl000 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:13 PM

ok i'm going to be honest and TRY to be neutral here. just telling you exactly as it is:
i'm getting married on a friday like 4 weeks after eid. everyone knows, weddings come with mehndis, mayoons, dholkis etc.

now i have this "friend" who got married 4 years ago in pakistan and had all those dholkis, mehndis, etc. her husband is imported and so he only arrived to usa last year (i think around sept 08). every since then we had been asking her to do a reception here so we could all get a chance to dress up etc but she said "oh its been like 3 yrs since i got married it looks awkward and i'm an aunty etc". well, then i got nikahed like 2 months aga, and the day of my nikah, obv every one was giving me all this extra attention so i think she got a bit competitive and goes "i think i'm gonna do a reception". she actually said it to me on the day of the nikah.

i didn't think much of it. so while i'm in the midst of planning out my entire wedding and everyone is reallly excited cuz its like the first girl's wedding thats all in the usa this "friend" announces that she's gonna do a reception exactly one week before mine on a saturday. I STILL didn't think too much of it, in fact i was happy. THEN, just 3 days ago, she announces she's doing a mehndi/dholki on friday also the weekend before my wedding.

now i'm a bit stuck...when am i supposed to do my mehndi? on a weekday? what about mayoon, dholkis, etc? she went to pak in the middle, and got a new lehnga even tho no one has seen her old shaadi or valima one so she could've worn that. but i guess those must have been mad ugly since she also hides all her wedding pics from everyone too.

i'm trying REALLY hard to be happy that i get to attend an extra wedding exactly 1 week before mine but why is it so hard? what would you say is the reason she is doing this?

it also seems like she's trying to copy all the ideas i ever mentioned right in front of her. like color coordinating my friends' outfits...even though i guess thats a pretty common thing. but still...maybe i'm being paranoid.

is she jealous? is she just attention-deprived? is she trying to sabotage my wedding by re-doing hers? is this normal and i'm over reacting? would your friends do this to you?

Fatso · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:21 PM

Its obvious she is jealous of all the attention you are getting. if you are getting married month after eid than i m sure you already have your mayoun/mehandi dates / venues picked out.. i dont think you should change any of your event dates...if it falls on the same day as her mehandi/dholki oh well... too bad.
dont let it bother you and enjoy

fari84 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:25 PM

Its hard to say really.... i think all the excitement for your wedding and the reaction you were getting from everyone made her realized wht she missed out by not having a reception in the USA. its fine that she's doing a reception finally. But honestly i think she is wrong with the choices she is making now.

she had her wedding and now its your turn to shine and she should have respected that and if not waited after your wedding at least do it weeks before and not so close to yours.

I dont think your over-reacting, she should have been considerate..especially when she choose her mehandi function the weekend before yours. and all the mehandi functions i've been to in Canada are always on the weekend, so not sure about a weekday mehandi...

Overall, its your wedding day and you shouldnt let others interfere with your happy day...so just ignore it but she is wrong with her choices. Enjoy all your upcoming days they go by so fast!!

Wish you all the best with your wedding and preparations!!!

Pareezay · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:25 PM

is she a close friend?
can you maybe talk to her and ask her to move her events to a later date so that it doesn't collide with your plans?
if she is indeed doing this out of jealousy or in need of attention then i don't think you can expect much. but don't let it bother you, enjoy your wedding time.

shona09 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:27 PM

She could have done it a week later... After your Wedding, and im sure that way you wud have got a chance to dress up and use ur wedding clothes...

Hope all goes well.. May be if she's really close to you, you can give her the idea.....?

pkgrl000 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:31 PM

she's the type of girl who, if i asked her to move her wedding, would actually ADD another dholki just out of spite. i'm not even joking....she's never even been able to maintain a good relationship with her best friend. in fact, she was always jealous of me cuz the college i go to is the one she had always wanted to go to cuz her ex-bf attended this place but could never get accepted and her parents wouldn't allow her to live on campus. lol. so in the end, when she got denied admission 3 yrs in a row she started making fun of all the ppl who attended my college as if she gets to decide which college is worth going to. lol. n started talking crap about all the girls on live on campus simply because her own life sucked and she was never allowed to live on campus. umm yeah so definitely not asking her to move it.

Sahar02 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:34 PM

Um why is she doing a mehndi before the reception? That's just stupid. A reception is one thing, but doing a whole shadi all over again is just plain idiotic. People will make fun of her.

Set your dates NOW. Get your invites out NOW. And just enjoy the event, no matter who happens to attend. The important folks will be there regardless.

And stop talking to her.

Pareezay · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:35 PM

okay, that makes alot more sense.
yeah, don't worry about it too much. just concentrate on your wedding and enjoy it. it doesn't happen twice. maybe you can throw a dholki on the same day as hers, im sure people would want to attend yours more since you're the new bride getting married shortly.. wait no, that might be mean ;-)

p.s- agree with sahar.

fari84 · Sep 9th, 2009, 12:46 PM

every wedding has that one person who likes to ruin things for the bride or steal the spot light.....lol....about the college thing i had the same experience except it was the girls mother who ended up puting my university down just cause her daughter didnt get in after 2 attempts....

Bint_e_Naeem · Sep 9th, 2009, 02:46 PM

First of all congrats. Agree with Sahar there. If she is already married then she is going to make her self look like a fool. Stick to your dates & whatever you have planned. Let everyone now all the plans in advance. Whatever you have mentioned about her if its true then I am sure others know a bit about her personality as well. I am sure people who really do care will be there for your events.

Good luck with everything. Its your wedding. Don't let any other person ruin it for you.

pkgrl000 · Sep 9th, 2009, 08:22 PM

aww thank you guys soo much! i really needed someone besides my immediate friends here to validate my annoyance with this chick. i shall keep all of your advice in mind and completely ignore any further attempts she makes to sabotage my wedding

principessa · Sep 9th, 2009, 08:48 PM

KILL HER

sORRY STUPID ANSWER...JUST WANT TO MAKE U SMILE

BTW DON'T WORRY..EVERYTHINGS WILL B RIGHT...

bride2be · Sep 9th, 2009, 09:53 PM

enjoy your day. let her worry about her own herself. do your invites and send them out.

somegroovychick · Sep 9th, 2009, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkgrl000

she's the type of girl who, if i asked her to move her wedding, would actually ADD another dholki just out of spite. i'm not even joking....she's never even been able to maintain a good relationship with her best friend. in fact, she was always jealous of me cuz the college i go to is the one she had always wanted to go to cuz her ex-bf attended this place but could never get accepted and her parents wouldn't allow her to live on campus. lol. so in the end, when she got denied admission 3 yrs in a row she started making fun of all the ppl who attended my college as if she gets to decide which college is worth going to. lol. n started talking crap about all the girls on live on campus simply because her own life sucked and she was never allowed to live on campus. umm yeah so definitely not asking her to move it.

i know someone EXACTLY like that and people who do those things and say those things are just energy suckers, honestly. they drain all the positivity out of ANY situation, whether its babies or kids or jobs or weddings or whatever. they're always negative about the choices you make and everything they do is perfect. i mean, honestly, if you say fat chubby babies are adorable, they'll say they want skinny ones. if you say green is awesome for bridesmaids, they'll say green looks terrible. i mean, they have NO shame- they'll say it to your face.
my recommendation is harsh, but its time to ditch her, to be honest. you go ahead and do what you want and are planning to do all along- she'll deal. and if she doesn't, who cares. honestly, its draining just talking about it right now because i've experienced something very similar. so now i'm just as nice as i can be and i'm happy for her if she's happy but i'm not emotionally invested in her as a friend and i just go ahead and do what makes me happy. those types of people will never be genuine friends.

mistral · Sep 9th, 2009, 10:12 PM

^Couldn't have said it better than SGC.

Sahar02 · Sep 9th, 2009, 10:24 PM

Exactly. Be civil, but don't waste your time with anything beyond that.

And get moving on your own wedding stuff!

dolcevita · Sep 10th, 2009, 02:27 AM

Interesting Situation, I'm really sorry tho, getting married is over-whelming, emotionally and the whole preps stuff. I agree with SGC, just act civil and from now on, dont tell her your plans ever, just dont be invested in her. Enjoy your time with her, get loads of entertainment out of her. I don't mean to be rude, but if i knew this girl i'd be on my bum laughing like a nut! She sounds gay! Her wedding was 3 years ago, its old news and she's going a mehndi/dholki etc, what is she depressed? attention-wanting, Deprived? Pathetic!. Its been 3 years! Seriously Im just laughing at her silly-ness, im sure everyone you know would be questioning why she's doing this and she's def the clown in your village/city

Dont sweat it sweety! ENJOYYYY your the bride! She's just a ...................... Dont let her get to you

Its your time to shine lady!

FairyTale · Sep 10th, 2009, 02:41 AM

God these ladies

She is jealous.. and jalnay waalay ka mun kaala hota hai

I know you are feeling bad and angry too, but the best reaction you can give her is to be as calm as you can. This is going to make her more un-easy and she will not get that satisfaction from her devilish plan what she is expecting.

Ignore her COMPLETELY.

pkgrl000 · Sep 10th, 2009, 05:08 PM

edit: yeah you guys are right...i guess i'm just REALLY angry but i'll get over it soon and i shouldn't try to make myself feel better by hating on her. she does have the right to do whatever she wants n i shouldn't focus on it too much.

anyways, i guess this issue is resolved. i am now calm. thanks for all your input ladies!
mods plz feel free to close this thread

Sahar02 · Sep 10th, 2009, 05:47 PM

^ Just be careful not to do what she is doing, by making yourself feel better by boasting about what you have and mocking what she has.

Focus on yourself and your happy time. Don't make it about her (good or bad).