Kabhi khushi kabhi Gham..lol!

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 18th, 2009, 09:04 AM

People, I seriously want to say some thing here. But every time I finish typing a sentence, my mind does a U-turn and I end up deleting every letter. It's as if, my thought process suffers a breakdown because all the feelings are entangled and complicatedly intertwined! So do pardon me if the following paragraphs make little or no sense.

For the past 23 years, this life has more or less looked like a joyride-I had my shares of ups and downs, fears and complexes, friends and foes, love and betrayal alike. If my days went bad, I'd sleep anticipating a dawn that'd introduce me to everything beautiful but when my nights went in a turmoil, I'd seek to replenish my emotionally drained out state with new hopes that came along with the rising sun. But for some reason, if at this stage of my life, whilst being the cynosure of all eyes as a bride-to-be, if God were to grant me the privilege and wherewithal to do as I like, and if somebody were to ask me what do I want next? My unflinching answer would be ,” Turn the clock back and give me my childhood!”

Contrary to what I foresee of my future, my childhood and adolescence was that of the conventional overly protected kid with everything materially alluring at her disposal, though I lacked what most were blessed with –siblings! I regret being born as the only kid not because I lost the beautiful, fun part of childhood or that there won’t be a grief stricken kin to bid me an adieu at my marriage but because I can feel the emptiness and gloominess that will replace me in my parents’ lives!

I agree marriage is a sanctimonious ritual well dreamt of by every girl and I must confess, my imaginations about getting married used to be too colorful, creative and enthralling to describe here. But now that I’m finally gearing up to watch my dreams translate into reality, I feel the ghosts of uncertainties and nervousness quietly creeping into me and benumbing all my ecstatic thoughts! It’s like, I am very much confident about my parents’ choice, more than glad to marry my childhood friend knowing we’ve been the classic case of Tom n Jerry all this while (I have an upper hand on him, yay!) but still, thoughts like going away from mom n dad, adjusting to a new life, invoking a sense of maturity, being more than responsible, perfecting the art of being a homemaker, giving up all my stupid antics, funky hairstyles, zero tantrums and oh, above all, forgetting Shahid Afridi forever (my fiancé has given me an ultimatum to choose one!) ; all of these (not the last actually) are actually ruining my preparations! My fellow guppies have countless threads about wedding preparations to their credit and I read most of them voraciously and to be honest, they do provide me the feel-good factor but it’s very short lived!

Pray, tell me how you married guppies dealt with all these phobias or is it just me being the severely confused and schizophrenic bride-to-be??

And yeah, other than this, please someone tell me why aren’t boys supposed to leave their parent’s?

Wouldn't it be great to see a guy sobbing on his father's shoulders??

llxxll · Oct 18th, 2009, 09:24 AM

well main toh apne hubby ko rukhsat karke USA laa rahi hun

...and initially we will be living with my parents when we come back to USA but I dont want that. and as for him he is not immensely sad at leaving his family...

but when I think about him i feel like he has known his family for 29 years....29 years is a heck long time and now he will be leaving them and I feel like it will be hard on him but being with me will make it easier...it will be the same for me when we leave my parents house...I love my parents and I will miss them but I want a house a family a life of my own without having to live with anyone...

mere 5 elder bros hain...none of them live at home I've been the one wiht my parents all this time...their support...their anchor...their source of happiness...if I could clone myself and leave oe of me with my parents ...I would...but I cant...and I have to make a choce...live with my hubby in our house and have my parents move in with us...or live with my hubby at our house and leave my parents... I'm going to be selfish and go with leaving my parents and not have them move in with us when we leave them...the reason for that is..because husband wife mein mere hisaab se teesra banda nahin hona chaahiye...you feel suffocated you cant behave with each other as you would in privacy if you have third person living in your house,..

actually by islam boys are supposed to leave their families too...but that's a separate issue because humaara mwaashara iss cheez ki ijaazat nahin deta

so to answer your question,..I am neither afraid nor sad...even though I will be leaving my parents too...and there are two resons for that....the biggest reason is my parents...ever since I got nikkah-fied they have left me to do my own thing...they dont spend as much time with me nor I with them because I am always chatting or talking to my hubby....yeh transition period acha raha hai hum sab k liye...my parents have learned to enjoy each others company without me being in there helping them have fun and I have also realize that now that m married...mere liye mere husband se important kuch nahin...m so chipku that all I want is to be with him all the time aur mujhe kisi ka khayal bhi nahin hota when m with him

and that is the second reason...the immense amount of emotional attachment i have with my hubby has eradicated that sadness I might otherwise have felt at leaving my parents...to be very frank ab mujhe pinch karte hain specially i they come in my room and m talking to hubby (which happens rarely cuz mom dad khayal rakhte hain par kabhi kabhi hota toh hai)...it irritates me and I feel like shukar hai we wont be living with them for long...

jab shaadi ho jaati hai na...aur apna asli humsafar milta hai...toh phir wohi important reh jaata hai...baaqi sab bhi important hote hain aapke dil mein bhi hote hain aur aap unka dukh sukh bhi baantna chaahte ho...par mere hisaab se since this is whats happened to me,..i feel like generally wife k saath yahi hota hai she wants to be with her husban sirf hubby aur woh...she wants to be close to everyone else too...but from a distance...initially toh nahin but hubby k saath bhi eventually yahi hota hai

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 18th, 2009, 09:34 AM

Oh really?? I just hope your last point holds true for me as well!

But I'm so emotionally attached to my parents because they've been overly possesive of me and I'm a complete papa's girl! And as for mamma, I'm scared she'll go nuts in this big house while dad's away at work!

llxxll · Oct 18th, 2009, 09:42 AM

which line?

"hubby k saath bhi yahi hota hai"

^^this one?

yeah Im attached to mine too ek hi beti aur sabse choti they have treated me like a doll .... mere bhai bechaare toh kisi ginti mein nahin aate thay but I have loved the attention I have got all these years

my own mother has decided she will start working again lolz...but even if she doesnt she will be fine because papa is extremely chipku he calls her from work every 1.5 hrs k baad and talks for 15-20 mins sometimes it drives her crazy cuz papa ki calls ki wajah se housework mein interruption aati hai hahaha

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 18th, 2009, 09:53 AM

Chipku?? Lol, how can you use that word for your dad, girl ?

jab shaadi ho jaati hai na...aur apna asli humsafar milta hai...toh phir wohi important reh jaata hai...

I was talking of this line!

llxxll · Oct 18th, 2009, 10:01 AM

lol i say that to his face too hehe

and that line is true for everyone especially if your humsafar is sweet loving n caring

insha'allah it will hold true for you too

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 18th, 2009, 10:03 AM

Hahaha!! It definitely will coz as I said, I'm gonna be the dominant one...the sweet, caring n loving types here are called 'joru ka ghulam'...lol!!

mistypurplespark · Oct 18th, 2009, 01:47 PM

must say very well written i could feel the whirlwhind of emotions ur going thru(not jus cuz im in the same boat...) u ve very beautifuly put down how i ve been thinkin n feelin too. so as an asnwer to ur question. i dono bout most brides but i knw i do feel all that ur feeling n more. ther r times i enjoy the shopping planning but leavin my parents behind alone is the scarriest thought i ve ever had n stil do. im guesin all brides do go thru the same feelings regardles of veing siblings or not. but yes leavin ur parents behind knwin ur siblings wil be der to cheer em up n support em wen down is a huge comfort. which i sadly dont ve

. i wanna take my mommy n dady with me!!

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 19th, 2009, 02:01 AM

Thanks for such encouraging views, it helps a lot!

pakieyez · Oct 19th, 2009, 10:19 AM

wow...i feel a bit relieved to read your post Gulnaar! im getting married early next year, and i have the same feelings! i just felt like it was me only that was feeling this way...as the time is getting closer, i keep getting thoughts as sometimes regrets ( not to the guy im marrying he is wonderful ah) but to "did i make my decision to get married too soon?" (im 23) and if i waited a bit more, i could have enjoyed my single status more (not in THAT way!) i miss the times when i would daydream about who the man i would marry and its kind of not fun now that that fantasy is over....
getting married is such a big change. Its a whole different lifestyle, and i feel like my childhood is gonna be gone in an instant...and i won't be able to be pull off being crazy and stupid randomness like i used to be.
And yes! of course missing my family! i dont know how im gonna live without them...it is crazy that we have to be the ones to sacrifice that! thats soo not fair...the guy gets the girl and his family...they're so lucky
But i keep reminding myself that marriage is something wonderful....you wake up to someone that will care about you and go to sleep in the arms of the person that is the other half of you....marriage is something that is going to happen to us girls one day or another, so we can't escape from it too long....
you will be fine! don't worry...and i am having the same exact thoughts as you...so youre not the only one on your boat.

xoxo · Oct 20th, 2009, 05:17 AM

Parents are blessing. I am living wid my parents now but wen I was 16 I left home and went to lhr for studies, first intermediate , then graduation and master and then did job for 3 yrs. They stayed wid me in lhr for 3 to 4 yrs but now they r growing old and need their kids most, we aren't around, aftr I get married early next year inshAllah , they wil have my only younger bro left wid them, jus thinkin how away I'm gonna be frm them( inshAllah gettin married n movin to uk) brings tears in my eyes and I can't think further. I love dem and I know they wil miss me more but as my mom says" beti ki qismat" achi honi chaiye. I wish I can take dem wid me .. But I know parents are so egoistic . I only pray for their good health and happines and may Allah keep their saaya on us.ameen