Gulnaar Khan

I am sad. Actually deeply frustrated, irritated, depressed...you name all the unhappy moods and you'll find me suffering from all of them!

The wedding dress my in laws have brought is nearly of the same color that we've bought..The only difference is mine is georgette and theirs is net.

It happened so because we being conservative Pathans, the brides-to-be aren't included in any selection process by the groom's side but my mom had seen it much before we bought ours..My mil said she'll get it changed if we don't like anything about it but momma appreciated it then..And when we went to purchase ours, the piece I liked had the same color! We remembered what my mil had said about changing n stuff so, reluctant, we got the same color! And even the showroom owner said they have single pieces throughout, as in, they don't have same designs in different colors!

I've tried persuading, sweet talking my fiance a lot in getting the color changed but he says he cannot do much about it because his mom is a bit irritated that we knowingly committed that mistake and that she's not sure if the designer will compromise anyhow!

All my enthusiasm and zeal has fizzled out unbelievably..I even had a heated arguement with my fiance last night but now I feel sorry coz he's a sweet guy and shouldn't be bearing the brunt of all...

Please pray for me...lol!

Sapphirez

OMG!!! So, its not their fault totally.... why don't u change urs? Get sumthing else....

Gulnaar Khan

I got mine after hours of serious selection! It might not appear that superb in the pic I posted in this very section but I did not like anything better even at that point...

Sapphirez

why not take look again, thr might be something new.......
when's the wedding?

Gulnaar Khan

It's in december but what I forgot to mention is that I'm supposed to wear our dress on the main day, and as per our traditions, it has to be red or maroon in color..While it's okay to wear anything on the second day (their reception) so it is they who have to get some other color!

I haven't initiated a chat with my fiance till now nd I don't even know how to...I mean, I accept that I'd been very rude to him last night but now my pathani ego doesn't allow me to maska polish him at all!

Pareezay

Why don't you have your mom speak to your MIL? Maybe they can sort this out.

Gulnaar Khan

She already has but dunno why I think my mil is being stubborn in the name of her busy schedule!

Confucius

I think it was silly of you to choose the dress when your mum had seen theirs

You want to portray a selfless image to your future family, not sure if this does..

I appreciate it is your wedding and you want to look stunning but ... I don't think they have done anything wrong here

stoppit

if you guys knew you had to wear red on the first day, your mum should have said so when she saw their outfit in the beginning. i don't really understand how this happened if it's part of your culture that you need to wear red/maroon on the first day. they should have thought about that too.
okay, so they didn't and bought you red. rather than assuming they would change it after you bought yours your mum should have spoken to them about it first and what could be done given that you are expected to wear red on the first day. they created the problem so they should have been put in the position of suggesting a fix.

Muzna

It's really not their fault at all.

You should apologize to your fiance and offer to wear their red outfit on the first day.
Then return the one you have selected for another colour for the second day.

hinah786

Your mother had seen it before you bought yours. you knew what you were getting, therefore should have gotten something different. It's ridiculous to expect your mil to change it at your whim when it was already bought and seen by your side. Definitely need to say sorry to your fiance and mil for your behavior.

Gulnaar Khan

Now lemme say things in a crystal clear manner:-

It's a kind of tradition, not obligatory, that the girl wears the dress bought by her in laws on the first day and the one purchased by her own parents on the second day...My Mil had suggested the other way round, like mine on the first and theirs in their reception.. But my mom didn't had to break the ritual and she said we wont mind following that custom !

But when we saw our sharara, it was so stunning that the one bought by my mil looked comparatively less likable and since our guest list goes up to almost 600 people on the first day, I thought that I'd be wearing mine because that's something people will be noticing most! I did so, whether selfishly or watever you call, because mil had assured us before that we can get it changed!

I've said what I had to, now it's upto you all if you guys can lend me some breathe of fresh air or continue accusing me of stupidity!

Brit Chick

Is pashto tradition a red wedding dress? In my family and my in-laws it's white. Not that it makes any difference as I wore red anyway.

All the best for the wedding

stoppit

I was also going to suggest what the above poster has about wearing their red outfit on the first day and your own one of a different colour on the second.

Gulnaar Khan

Hey Brit Chick, the brides are actually kept miles away from any white colored dress..lol!

My mom never allowed me to wear white before marriage since I'm quite fair and now, I've been strictly warned not to wear anythin white after marriage!

Gulnaar Khan

Not possible yaar!

Anyways, what's your name, Stoppit??

Brit Chick

Maybe it's a regional thing rather than a general rule for all pashtuns, I dunno.

Gulnaar Khan

Maybe!

stoppit

it's stoppit

i think you need to acknowledge that you did some wrongdoing. one is nearly always going to like what they have chosen themselves over something another person has. so you were selfish, you bought what you liked even though you knew there'd be conflict. but instead of getting angry and shouting at your fiance, you should acknowledge that you guys were in the wrong and appeal to their good nature.

don't talk to him about it. get your mum to sort it out with his mum. i'm sure if she's reasonable she'll give in but it will take grovelling from your side.

think about it from their perspective - it's hurtful for them to think that you don't like what they bought for you and think your own is better. that's on top of buying it without talking to them first, even though you knew you'd have to tell them to change it.

cutie SLize

I agree with Stoppit, firstly u personally need to speak to your fiance and aplogise as its not his fault .

As to the dress situation it will be less hassle for u to change yours rather them changing theirs. As you here it for the rest of ur marriage life.

secondly it doesnt matter how many ppl you have at the wedding, u need to feel stunning in yourself and look good for yourself not for your guests, as they will fine something bad in anythng u wear.


Plus i dnt understand y u bought the same colour as their dress even thou your MIL tooo be said she'd change it u should of taken that wid a pinch of salt. As the chances of them getting a refund on any custom made outfit is quite slim.