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Apr 14th, 2010, 01:55 AM #1----
Pls help me out in this case:
A very good friend of mine is getting married in 2 months. It´s a love marriage, the girl and the boy know each other since 4 years and love each other very much. The venue is booked, the invitation cards are sent out…so far so good.
Now there comes the very big problem: The girls parents are demanding a big amount of money for her haq mahr, although the girl has a job, her own money and is very independent (Both families live in Europe). The boy´s side isn’t very rich and cannot afford it. It´s already hard for them to organize the whole wedding ceremony (venue, jewellery, bride´s dress, etc). They also didn’t ask anything as Jahez.
The girls parents new from beginning that the boys family doesn´t have so much money and cannot pay it out, so they (girls parents) say just write it down in the nikkah form u (boys parents) don´t have to pay it out directly at the nikkah. His mother tried to explain her parents that they cannot afford it and they also paid their other 2 DIL`s a less amount. But her Father is so much insisiting and says now that he won´t attend the wedding, if they don´t write it in the nikkah form.
Everyone is now very depressive and don´t know what to do. My friend also tried to tals with her parents that she doesn´t want so much money to be written down and she doesn’t want to start her wedding life like this but her father is still insisiting. Her father also don’t want any compromise.
My friend has now the following idea in mind: She will ask her boyfriend to write this amount which her father demands in the nikkah form and after the wedding day she wants to forgive/remit the haq mahr, so that her husband isn´t bound any more to pay her this amount. Can this islamically be done? Does she need to say a sura for this or can she just simply say this in words like “ I forgive/remit you to pay me the haq mahr”? Do they have to replace their nikka nama in this case?
I hope you all can help me out here, because it´s makes me also so said for her.
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:05 AM #2----
she simply needs to state that she does not want it and forgives it. no surah needed. don't need to replace the nikkah nama.
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:06 AM #3----
But haq mehr is decided by the bride, not the bride's parents. It's only between her and the groom and she can demand whatever high or low amount she wants. She and her parents should set up a meeting with an imam to go over the nikkah process and maybe the imam can tell the parents about the haq mehr, then they'll behave rationally. The daughter is marrying a guy, not a bank. Don't know of rules concerning forgiving the haq mehr.I just want to find an easier way to get out of our little heads
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:57 AM #4----
Deciding haq meher shud be by bride but of course in our society, it is done by bride's elders.
There are two types of meher, one to be paid immediately at the time of nikah and one that is paid afterwards. Your friend shud ensure that her father does not make the meher amount written which needs to be paid at the time of nikah.
"There are two types of Haq Mehar – Muajjal and Muwajjal. Muajjal is the strict type where you have to give the complete Mehar before the consummation of marriage and is thus very rare. Muwajjal is the lenient type where it is not necessary to pay the Mehar before the consummation."
After the nikah, it is upto the bride to forgive the meher to take it, whenever she needs it. The meher is her property and she can decide what to do with it.
It is obligatory on the husband to pay mahr to his wife unless she expressly by her own will without any pressure forgives him or returns the amount of mahr to him. Mahr belongs to the wife and it is to be given to her only.
No one can forgive the husband to pay the Mahr except the wife herself or, in case she did not go to her husband and the marriage ended without consummation, then in that situation her guardian can also forgive the mahr on her behalf.
Apr 14th, 2010, 03:06 AM #5----
Why do people like to complicate things unnecessarily I dont know... Stressing the poor girl out for no reason!
Apr 14th, 2010, 04:21 AM #6
Not to mention the guy and his family^^
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:22 PM #7----
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i had something like this in my nikkah time but my pro was else...in ur country ppl ask so less mahr but in our country mahr is so high...also ppl is asking how much ur mahr is...
the mahr my husband family was saying they did for their other bride was something that in our poor vilages also mahr is higher
so finaly my parents agreed with half of their demand but not less as our worker doughter mahr was something in same area & my parents said realy it will be odd for us for less than this but still it was so far from my in laws family ideal...even my husband family r more rich than us but cultures was diffrent like there they pay same time but here we dont take....
my husband was ok but his family had pro cuz a girl in their family set much mahr & then later on divorce take all money
then finaly they said ok we accept to set mahr two times more than other bahoo
but when we were preparing for nikkah then they got the mahr we asked its like 100times more...hahahaha
but finaly my husband made them agree with my suggestion i said to write my mahr as it will be vajib to pay when he can afford it & be4 his afford i wouldnt be able to ask for it....
as u can set mahr end al-motalebe(means anytime bride ask husband should pay it) & there is another type end al-estetae(means bride can ask it when husband have such a money to pay)
so i set second one & my parents in law was happy & atleast they were sure that this mahr will not make pro for them & they belived me that we only set for honor,....
so also bcuz my husbad woudnt feel burden on him islamicaly so after some days i said him my jan i wont need this mahr im forgiving it to u that u will be relaxe front allah same as u r relax in case of laws....just i said whenever u have money its ours if u dont so we both will not have ....but i didnt change nikahname....
so i shared with u my ideas as i had haq mahr like 200000$ at first according our family but my parents agreed for half of it to cut to be 100000$ while my in laws family wanted something like 5000$!!!!!
5000$ is joke in our country so i dont know whole pakistan is less like this or just my hubby area!!!!
so ur freind can use same solution!!!
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:28 PM #8----
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if it seem good idea for u then contact me to tell u how u should ask it from sheikh to say this on nikah....
Apr 14th, 2010, 02:39 PM #9----
They need to stay within the groom and his families means. If he does not have resources to provide the amount being requested than nothing can be done. The bride's family demanding money isn't going to make it magically appear in his pocket or bank account."A woman should be two things: Classy and Fabulous"
Apr 14th, 2010, 03:17 PM #10----
toll, sowas heutzutage in deutschland... wieviel wollen die denn haben?